Quiet Times...

I remember going to a week of summer camp each year from the time I was in Elementary School to High School. I would go and get so fired up for the Lord. One year I was baptized in the Holy Spirit and another year I felt called to Missions. Each year was full of fun, friends and deep encounters with the Lord. Then I remember coming home and making a promise that I would stay close with the Lord, read my bible every day and just spend time in His presences. And every year that would last for maybe a week or so after camp. The just like clock work I would miss one day and then 2 days. Then it normally turned into a week, which turned into months of not fulfilling my promise. Somewhere during those months I might try again to have a daily quiet time, but yet again I failed.  Then I would start feeling guilty for not having my quiet times because everyone said how important they were and I had made a promise I would do them. Then it just became easier to not do them and so I didn't. Then camp would come around again the next year and the cycle would start ALL OVER.

Over and over again I would hear how important "quiet times" were and how you needed them to have a good christian life and over and over again I would try to have a daily quiet time, but they never lasted. Then over and over again I would get so frustrated with myself for not being able to keep a daily quiet time. Then over and over again the guilt would come. I felt like I was on a hamster wheel and there was no way off.

Well during this last year of heartache I felt like all I could hold onto was my quiet times with the Lord. I would just sit, read, cry, yell, talk, listen in the Lord's presences. It became a daily necessity for me. Then thing started to become a little more stable again. I was walking out of the valley that I had been in and my dependence on my quiet times was less and less. Then I started to miss a day then two and my times with the Lord went from daily to once or twice a week. Then I started feeling guilty and shameful for not making the time with the Lord a priority. He was there in my darkest hours and now that I was out of them I was neglecting Him. Somedays I had time, but I just chose not to sit down and be with my Maker and my heart was starting to hurt, I was acting in the flesh more and more and life is just getting really HARD.

This past Sunday morning, I was still in worship, feeling guilty for only doing a quiet time one day this past week when the Lord spoke to me. "I am not bringing this shame, guilt or condemnation upon you. I just want to spend time with you. My heart is full of love for you and I love our times together. I cherish you and spending time with you brings joy to my heart." 


Romans 8:1 - Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.


Those words from the Lord has really changed my thinking about quiet times. I almost use to look at them as something I HAD to do to be a good christian. I was living under the "law". It was like I felt like my christian walk was measured by how good my "quiet times" were. But that is NOT how God looks at it at all!!! He looks at quiet times as a way to spend time with us. He ENJOYS spending time with us and He enjoys listening to our prayers and receiving praises from our mouths. I know for me, I need to change my heart towards quiet times with the Lord, maybe I even need to stop calling them quiet times.

Before writing this I read Psalms 139, the whole chapter talks about how God knows us, He formed us and loves us. After reading that chapter of Psalms I so want to sit in the Lord's presence and be loved by Him. Sitting, reading, praying, and listening with the Lord is the best way I know to really understand who my Heavenly Father is. Spending time with the Lover of my Soul shouldn't be something I feel like I have to do and if I don't then I'm a horrible Christian; it should be something that I desire to do, that I long for and if I don't I feel like I missed out on something really special.

Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God; 

Since my God desires to spend time with me, I want the desires of my heart to WANT to spend time with Him so I may know Him. God has really challenged me to check my heart when I think about quiet times. I need to have the attitude I want to because it means spending time with the person that made me, loves me more than I can fathom and desires for me to know him. When I look at quiet times as something I get to do and not I have to, it makes so much more desirable and enjoyable. And there is nothing I would rather be doing than spending time with MY GOD!!!

Waiting...

I feel you standing there, just waiting for me
Waiting patiently for me to put this world aside
To take my focus off of me and put it on you
I feel your sweet quiet voice saying "now, now"
But I come up with one more thing to do
You wait with longing and love in your eyes
You have told me what you desire and what you long for
Still I keep my distance
My flesh takes over
What I do and say is not pleasing to you
I don't stop, I don't sit, I don't pray, I don't listen
I just keep going
You don't push, you don't guilt, you just wait.
Waiting for me to join you in your presences
Waiting for me to be still before you
Waiting to bless me with your great love
When will I ever learn