Excited for Christmas...

Shopping...check. Christmas tree...check. Decorations...check. Food...check. Jesus...oh yeah, that's what Christmas is about.


We were doing some remodeling in our house and it required us to move out for about a month and let me tell you that was a really long month! Well anyways, we have been back in our house almost a month now and there are still things I'm trying to get back to "normal". We just hung up our pictures on the walls about a week ago and around that same time the kids were asking when are we going to set up the Christmas tree? I'm embarrassed to tell you that I had no desire to set up a Christmas tree and get out the decorations. I was still getting use to being back in our own house. Then in the mist of my selfishness the Lord spoke to me, "What about ME?"


That question really hit me hard! Christmas is not about presents, food or me and how I'm feeling, it is about how the Lord sacrificed His One and Only Son for us and how Jesus fulfilled what the His Father had asked of Him. I may of not been in the mood to put up a Christmas tree or listen to Christmas music, but it isn't about me, it is about Him and the Lord made that very clear. I don't know how many times I find myself saying "Oh I'm really not in the mood to go to church", or "I just don't feel like spending time with God today" and time and time again it hits me that it is not about ME! Do you think Jesus really wanted to die on the cross that day? Or do you think that God really wanted to be separated from His only son or watch His son be beaten? But both of them chose to carry out God's plan because they loved me and you more then we will ever know. On that day I took my eyes off of me and put them on Him and started preparing for the day we will celebrate our Savior's birth.

God desires us, but He wants us to make the choice to desire Him. We have the freedom to choose Him or not and we have control over our moods and attitudes. He doesn't want the attitude "if I have to" He wants us to have a joyful, willingness attitude to follow Him. I know He wants me to be excited for Christmas and He wants me to be thankful to Him for sending His son to earth so I could have everlasting life, but He can't make me have that attitude. I am the one that has to purposefully set my mind on Him and make the effort to put Him above everything else this Christmas season.


I know things can be really busy this time of year, but when you really stop and look at the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ, how can you not get excited? I mean His birth was a complete miracle. Jesus was born to a virgin! The King of Kings was born in a stable with animals! Our Savior's first visitors were shepherds that didn't even know Mary or Joseph! A beautiful new star was placed over the stable! Wisemen got on camels and followed that star to bring Jesus gifts! 


Today, I am making a choice to be excited for Christmas, a time to celebrate the coming of Christ. I am also choosing to put Him above all else this Christmas, because He is the reason we celebrate! Will join me in this?

Who's First...

I have been reading the book of Jeremiah lately and the first few chapters of Jeremiah really talk about how jealous God is. God had made a covenant with the Israelites when He brought them out of Egypt and after living in the Promise Land for awhile the Israelites had stopped living by the convent. The second half of Jeremiah 11:4 says "I said Obey me and do everything I command you and you will be my people and I will be your God." Well one of God's commandments to His people was "You shall have no other gods before me" Deuteronomy 5:7. The Israelites had broke this commandment, "You have as many gods as you have towns, O Judah; and the alters you have set up to burn incense to that shameful god Baal are as many the streets of Jerusalem" Jeremiah 11:13.  


In my life God has been teaching me that "gods" doesn't mean golden statues, but it means anything I put above or before Him. I have really started to take a look at my life and my daily routine and I have noticed that, even though I don't purposely mean to, I am putting things before God. One morning during my quiet time, God spoke to me and said "I am really jealous of your time, I want to spend time with you and you keep putting me last." I may not have a golden idol that I worship, but I do have other things in my life that are coming before God and spending time with Him. I love spending time with God, I come out refreshed, lighter, and I know that God loves me and is with me always. But then why don't I do it more? Yes, I have excuses...I have 3 kids under 5, I have a house to clean, laundry to wash, football games to watch and so on. But, are those really good enough excuses to not spend time with my Creator, my God, my Father, the Lover of my Soul? I really don't think so. He should come first daily! I need to put my Creator first, so I can be the wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend He intended me to be. My kids need me to put my God first, so I can be an example to them and they can see how important it is to spend time with God. My husband needs to me put my Father first so I can do my best to keep our household in order, the way God wants me to. If I don't put the Lover of my Soul first then I become very worldly and my flesh takes control. 


Jeremiah 17:5 says "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord." My flesh can only do so much, when I live in my flesh after a day or two everything seems to fall apart, but with God as my strength I can do all things. I need to stop using excuses to sit and be in the presence of the One who created me. I need to make Him a priority daily, not just on Sundays, but every day of the week. And when I spend time with my God, He wants it to be purposeful, He doesn't want my leftovers or because it is obligation. He wants my first, my best and He really wants me to want it. He desires to spend time with me and He wants me to desire to spend time with Him. 


Today I purposefully met with God. I told my kids it was book time and mommy was going to read her bible. The kids went to their rooms and read books, while I prayed and read my bible in the living room. About 1/2 way through my reading, my 3 year old son comes out and says "Mommy, I want to read my bible next to you." He came and sat on the couch and looked through his bible quietly. It was so sweet and it really made me realize that I need to let me kids seem me have quiet times with the Lord. 


The Lord your God desires to have you sit before Him, so He may teach you, love on you and hold you. He is a gentle God, but He is also a jealous one.

Choosing...

Overall I would say I am a people person. I enjoying being around people, I like talking with others and being involved in group activities. But I am realizing there is a difference between a people person and a person having true close friends. I enjoy making small talk with all kinds of people; finding out what is going on in their lives and sharing what surface stuff is going on in my life. It is hard for me to admit, but the more I look at my life, the more I realized that I am a people person, not a person with real true close friends.

I was at a Young Mom’s Brunch this morning that was hosted by the Women’s Ministry at my church and the Lord spoke loud and clear to me that I have chosen to be a people person and not a person with many true close friends. The Lord told me He wants to remove my hurt and pain caused by my “failed” friendship so I can have room for new true close friendship.

Friendship has always been hard for me. I have had many “failed” friendships in my 28 years. Looking back at my past friendship I could usually “keep” a close friend for 1-3 years and then something happened; family moves, change in schools, fight over a boy, failing out over something big at the time. Through these “failed” friendships I have learned that it was safer for me to hide my heart from girls and not get to close. I remember about 3 years into my friendship with my best friend I started withdrawing from her and making up stupid reasons that we couldn’t be friends anymore, so when “something” happened I wouldn’t get hurt again. Well I can reassure you that nothing ever happened, she didn’t let me withdrawal from our friendship. We have been wonderful friends for the past 8 years and I can’t imagine my life without her! But I have to admit that she is about the only friend in my life that REALLY knows the true me and like I said before that is my fault. When I start to feel people get to close or when they start to see my mistakes, failures and the “REAL” me, I usually pull back and put up walls. I start to make excuses why I can’t do things with them or I nitpick everything they do. Which ends up with me sabotaging the friendship. I am the one keeping people at arms length, I am the one making up excuses on why we can’t be friends, and I am the one hurting them and myself. WHY??? Because it is easier to stay in my little world, it is easier not to be “real” with people, and there is a better chance I won’t get hurt. Well all of those reasons might be true, but what am I losing out on? Real true friendships, playdates, help with life is tough and a great excuse to go get coffee every once in a while.  I have let my past rob me of real meaningful friendship, because I was too worried about getting hurt again. Well today I want to change that! I am choosing not to allow the things of my past to dictate my future. I want to have many real, truthful, close friendships. I want to be honest with the “real stuff” and have deeper conversations than surface level; will everyone be my close friend? No, but I want to be open to those who want to be. I want to stop holding people at arms length because it is more convenient. Will I get hurt again? I don’t know, maybe, but then I will ask the Lord for healing and move on. I am choosing today to open my heart!

Is there something in your past that is dictating how you live your life? I know the Lord wants to heal you and set you free of that thing that is holding you back from living the life God wants you to live! 

Take Every Chance…

As I have mentioned before I have 3 little kids and they keep be busy. So every now and then we end up taking a drive through the nearest Drive-Thru Starbucks. During this particular trip to get my usual Upside-down Cameral Macchiato, we saw a friend of ours who working the drive-thru. After getting my much needed coffee and a quick hello we were off to our next stop. But before we could get to our next destination the kids started to ask a few questions about the friend we just saw. Addison asked, “Who does he live with?” I answered with the names of the guys he lives with. Then came the question “Why doesn’t he live with a girl?” So I started to explain to her and Lucas who was now involved in the conversation, that he wasn’t married and girls can’t live with boys and boys can’t live with girls until they are married. Then of course came the next set of questions concerning marriage. I then let them know that boys only marry girls and girls only marry boys. So then Lucas comes back with “I’ll marry Addison.” I then had to talk about how we can’t marry family, but friends are ok. Out of what I thought was a simple stop at Starbucks I ended up talking to my kids about marriage and moving in with people when they got older. Do I think they will remember this conversation when they get older and start to make these kinds of decisions, probably not, but it doesn’t hurt to start talking about what is right in God’s eyes in this fallen world.

Another situation came up last week, which became a good teaching moment as well. We were seating at the dinner table and my son asked if he could have a piece of candy for dessert? I told Luc that he would have eat all his dinner first and then we would see. Then Addison of course asked if she could have a piece if she ate all her dinner? I told her no, because she was going to her Awana group at church and Lucas was going to have to stay home with dad. She then tried to tell me that it wasn’t fair for her not to get a piece. My husband and I then talked about how she gets special treats like Cubbies & Swim lessons and since Lucas is not old enough he gets other special treats. Not everyone gets the same thing and that is ok, because everyone is different.

So with all this being said, I am learning to take every chance I get to teach my kids good morals, life isn’t fair and what God says is ok and not ok. I know they are young, but believe me they get it. They understand so much and I would rather start now and use precious moments like these it instill good solid truths into my children, so that as they get older they know what is right and wrong, not just in my eyes, but also the eyes of their Heavenly Father.

I know sometimes as parents we get bombarded with questions and we get tired of answering them. It is just easier for us to say “let’s talk about that later” or “not right now” or “can you just please be quiet and go play?” But I believe that no matter how tired we get we need to be ready to answer our children’s questions. When kids ask questions then they are probably ready to hear the answer or solution to a problem and it may always not be at a convenient time for us, but they are ready and open to hear. We need to make sure we allow them to ask us questions even if they are silly questions, because that lets our children know that we have time for them. I also think this is really valuable later in life when the BIG questions come up, because if we didn’t take the time to answer little questions the little questions now, do you really think they will come to us with the BIG questions later?

God gives us so many chances and ways to teach our children strong biblical truths, take every opportunity He gives you and you will be so glad you did!!!

Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when is old he will not turn from it.

Walking Through This Life…

One of my favorite songs right now is “This Little Light of Mine” by Addison Road and there is one line from this song that sums up this life pretty well “In this life you will know love & pain, joy & sorrow.” God did not promise us a perfect life, but He did promise He would always be with us. Hebrews 13:5 “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

After I miscarried the Lord really spoke a strong word to me that I really needed to hear…We are not designed to walk through this life alone! This word took on 2 different meanings in my life.

First meaning…

About 1 week after I miscarried I was still dealing emotionally with the loss of my baby, but at the same time I was trying to get my life and my kids’ lives back to “normal” and let’s just say I was having a really tough time. I felt like my world was just spinning out of control. I was at a place that I just needed peace in my life, but I wasn’t sure how to get it. Then the Lord gave me the word “You are not designed to do this alone!” Life becomes so much harder when we try to do it alone! I begun to seek the Lord and how I was to move on from the miscarriage and as I did He showed up time and time again. During this time He gave me new insight on teaching my kids and He also gave me some ideas on how I could teach them more about Him.  I begin to feel peace in my house and in my life. My kids were sleeping better, they really started engaging in school, I didn’t feel like I was going crazy and I really enjoyed being home with my kids.

The Lord is always there it is just a matter of us asking Him to come in and lead in every area of our lives. Sometimes it is really easy for me to ask God for guidance and direction with the BIG stuff in life, but I have to remember that He wants to guide me even in the little areas too. God has made us to NEED Him! It is not God’s intention to live this life or any part of this life without Him. He wants to be involved in every aspect of our lives, the good, bad & ugly.

Second meaning…

From the time I had first learned that my baby didn’t have a have a heartbeat until I had physically miscarried, I tired so hard to walk through this process alone. I thought it would be so much easier to say “I’m ok,” that way people would leave me alone. Then it all hit me, I was sitting in church and everyone was worshiping our Creator and I couldn’t stop crying. I let my husband that I need to go find someone to pray for me and I had one person in mind. As I walked out of the sanctuary that one person walked right in front of me. I said her name and she came over, gave me a hug and I just cried. She walked me to a room where we could talk and pray. She let me cry and talk and then she prayed. It was the first step of my healing. It was such a blessed time and I was so thankful that she was there. After that moment I knew that I was going to need to let a few people into my life, so they could help me heal and really minister to me.

God created Eve because it was not good for Adam to be alone. God has put people in our lives because it is not good for us to walk through life alone. I was a big mess and it was really hard for me to let people see that, but I knew that I couldn’t walk through this alone. So I had to let my guard down and let some ladies in. I was so glad that I did, God really spoke to me through those ladies and I am so blessed they took the time to minister to me. Through this I really realized that I didn’t have to have it all together, that it was ok for me to be a mess and to let others see that I was a mess. God wants us to be in community where it is ok to let our guard down and really tell someone we are not ok. He wants us to have friends that we can call anytime of day and say we need prayer.  God made other people because it is not good for us to be alone.

If you don’t feel like you are in a community where you can be real, then I challenge you to find friends that will let you be whom you are, failures, hurts, pain and all. No one is perfect and no one will have a perfect life. Everyone will experience “love & pain, joy & sorrow” but you don’t have to go through any of it alone.

I Have A Story…

I don’t know how many times I listen to an amazing testimony and wish that I had some GREAT story to tell; how I was so far away from God and He rescued me from all my sin and shame. But then I look over my life and to me there has never been a GREAT story. I got married when I was 20, didn’t have sex outside of marriage, never been drunk, never smoked and I have been a Christian since I was 4 or 5. Most people might look at my story and say you are so blessed that you didn’t have to go through those things, but I look at my story and say how am I suppose to minister to people if I don’t have a GREAT story? I never felt like I could really reach people if I didn’t have a GREAT story. Do I have the perfect story? No! Do I have the perfect marriage? No! Am I the perfect mom? No! But I know that I’m not the only one that feels this way, so that doesn’t make my story any different from the next person. I felt like I needed a story that stood out so God could really use me effectively. How was God supposed to use me, if my story wasn’t any different then the next person?

In the last 3 months the Lord has really been speaking to me that I don’t need a GREAT story to minister to others. The Lord didn’t give me a GREAT story (or at least my idea of a GREAT story), but I still have a story and I am supposed to share that with others. The Lord spoke these words to me “Stop being afraid to share what I have and am doing in your life, be real and honest. People will give you back what you give them.” If I want to impact others then I need to be honest, so that people feel like they can be honest with themselves and me. The Lord has written my story and to Him it is a GREAT story; a story to share, and a story to encourage. Who am I to say my story isn’t good enough, my story won’t win souls for Christ, and my story won’t minister to people? The Lord wants to use me and probably has wanted to use me for a while, but was I listening? No, I was worried about not having a GREAT story. Now I am praying that the Lord shows me how to use my story to minister to others and that He will bring ladies to me that I can reach, teach and pray for. I want to use my story for God, no matter how GREAT or simple I think my story is.

A bit of my story…

2 ½ years ago my husband and I started a newlyweds small group with some couples from our church, we had such a rough couple of years that our heart was to help newly married couples have successful starts to their marriages. It amazes me how God has really ministered to me while we were ministering to these couples. I know that my marriage was not the best, especially in the first couple years, but I knew that we had grown and things were better. But after ministering to theses couples for about 2 years the Lord really showed me what the root was of those really rocky couple of years. I had very little respect for my husband as the head of the house and it showed in every aspect of our marriage. There is a reason God says wives respect your husbands and it took me a few years to really understand what that meant and how to do that. Trust me it wasn’t an easy road and it was a very humbling one, but now I can say, whole-heartily, that I respect my husband for the man that he is, the man God has created him to be. After realizing what the root issue was for us during those years, God has given me a few opportunities to share some of the troubles that we dealt with because I didn’t respect my husband. Did I ever think the Lord would use that to minister to others? No, because to me it wasn’t part of a GREAT story. It was just me being human and not following the Lord’s instructions for my marriage. Through that last couple of months I have learned it is not my job to decide if my story is worth telling, BUT is my job to listen to the Lord and be ready to share my story when He instructs me to do so. My life may be a simple story in my eyes, but I know the Lord is using it for His kingdom and that is what matters.

Please don’t be afraid to tell your story because I can guarantee there is someone out there that needs to hear it!!!

Jeremiah 10:23

I know, O Lord, that a man’s life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps.

Moving On...

I was at a place in my life where I was really, really broken. I don’t know that I have ever been there before, but I am sure that I do not want to be there again! I think the single hardest thing for me to do during this time was for me to TRUST God that He would not leave me, but that He would walk this through with me.

I was in church about 3 weeks after I had loss the baby and the Lord spoke so clearly to me, “Trust Me in this area and I will make you whole and bless you. I am with you, you don’t have to walk through this alone. Lean on me, let me carry you through this. I DID NOT DO THIS! THIS WAS NOT MY PLAN!!!”

During the 3 weeks prior to hearing this from the Lord, I had a really hard time blaming Him. I just couldn’t figure out why God would create this baby and then let it die. Do I think He killed my baby? NO! But I do know that He could have stopped it; but He didn’t. Trust me that will be a question that I will ask Him, but for now I don’t have an answer. I knew in my head that God wasn’t to blame, but my heart, well that was a different story. I am human and because of that I needed to put my blame somewhere. After that Sunday I realize that it is really hard to blame God and then trust Him to heal you all at the same time. It took a lot, but I had to let go of my blame and feeling like I needed an answer to why this happened, so that I could allow myself to trust God for my healing. Was it easy? NO! Everyday I would wake up and say “I am trusting You to heal me and make me whole again and You are going to carry me through this.” And let me tell you, He did! He walked every step of the way with me and is still walking with me on my days that are not so good. Where there was darkness, He has brought light; where I was weak, He made me strong. Am I completely ready to try and have another baby? No, but I know the Lord is working on me and I am closer to that point then I was a month ago. It takes time and I have learned to give myself time to heal, process and trust again.

Is there an area in your life that you have been hurt or let down? The Lord is asking you to trust Him, all you need to say is Yes! Say YES that you will trust Him to carry you through that area, to be there every step of the way. You may be saying “I trust God.” Trust me I said the same thin. And yes I did trust God, but then when I looked at this one area in my life, I realized that I blamed God, not trusted Him. God wants to heal you and make you whole again, but you have to start the process by saying “Yes, I trust you”. 

Walking through...

Having no control over what I was going through physically and emotionally was probably the hardest thing for me. I wanted to feel better and fast! I knew that if I could find something that I could control I would feel better. So the one thing I found that I could control was my hair, so I dyed it dark brown and cut it shorter then it has been since I was a kid. I needed to have control over something and my hair was the only thing that I felt like I could control. Did I feel better? Not really, but I looked cute!!! I also tried shopping therapy to get me through this tough time, but I came home feeling just as bad as when I left. My husband then asked if I was returning the things I just purchased, because it didn't help? I said no, I may feel bad, but the things I bought were cute :)! I think he was glad that it didn't help cause now that won't be my default when I am not feeling good. 


So by this point I had realized that I had tried worldly things to make me feel better and it wasn't working, so what was next? Well, Thursday night prayer at my church kept popping up in my head. Even though I didn't really want to, I knew that I NEEDED to go. Boy, was I glad that I went. The Lord met me right there and spoke some words that I need to hear so I could start to heal. I was assign to a couple of ladies and after handing them the card of what I wanted prayer for one the of the ladies just stepped up and said "No need to talk, I'm just going to hug you." She put her arms around me and just held me while I weeped. I felt safe, I felt like I could let my guard down and the I'm ok face and just be raw before God. I am not going to lie...I WAS angry at God! I just didn't understand why He created this baby, if He was going to allow it to die. The 3 ladies started to pray over me and I just felt the Spirit of the Lord fall on me. One of the ladies said "God is grieving too, He did not want this to happen. This was not His will!!!" Those words stung so deep into my soul. I had been told a couple of time and had heard it before when my best friend miscarried, that it may have been a blessing, that something may have been wrong with the baby. But after hearing those words I knew that it was NOT God's plan and He is grieving too; there may have been nothing wrong with my baby or my best friend's baby. We live in a fallen world and there is a devil and his job is to kill, steal and destroy. The devil did that to my baby, NOT the Lord, but the devil. So I don't believe there was a blessing in losing my baby, I believe that it was something that happened because we live in a world where there is sin. I DO believe that my baby is up in heaven and I wait for the day that I get to hold my baby. 


What about the question "WHY?" Yes, I will always have that question, but I know that my baby is safe and in a wonderful place. I know that I will get to meet my baby and spend eternity with my baby and that is what I hold on to. I can't live my life wondering why. I would drive myself crazy. I have a wonderful husband and 3 fantastic kids; I have to move on knowing that my life is not over. I am still here to live a full life with my husband, to teach my kids about Jesus and to share what God has done in my life with others. My life isn't over because my baby went to heaven before I did. 


Moving on is not always easy. Some may say if you move on you may forget, but I don't believe that. I will never forget my baby that was only 8 weeks when it went to be with Jesus. You can't live in the past, you have to move forward. Your life isn't over there are so many things God has left for all us to do. 

Let's go backwards a lil bit...

I will always remember July 22, 2010 it was one of those great/horrible days all wrapped up into one. July 22nd was the day I found out I was pregnant with my 4th child, but it was also the day I found out my best friend's unborn baby was without a heartbeat. I cried so hard for her and her family. The question "WHY?" kept replaying in my mind. Then I thought about my unborn child and wondered "Why was I pregnant and she wasn't?", "Why was God allowing this to happen?". I felt guilty for being pregnant and I wasn't sure if I really even wanted to be pregnant. This was something that I really struggled with and I didn't understand. Later that week during a time with God I had to realize that I would probably not get my answers until I saw God face to face. I had NO control over the situation and I had to trust God to be in control over the situation, even though I didn't like it. 


During this life we will go through situations that don't make any since and we don't understand why, but we have to remember that God is ALWAYS in control and I am so grateful for that.


Well let's skip ahead a few weeks...
On Monday, August 30th my husband and I were headed to an appointment with our midwife and I was really nervous. I just figured I was excited to see the first ultrasound of our 4th baby. Well when she pulled up our baby on the screen, she could tell that something was wrong. I was suppose to be about 10 weeks along and she said the baby looked more like a 6 or 7 week old baby. Our midwife decided to send us to doctor for a more in-depth ultrasound, but I couldn't make the appointment until Tuesday morning. So we drove home in silence; I felt like it was all a dream and I just wanted to wake up. We got home and I started folding clothes and cleaning my house. I couldn't control the situation, but I could control how my house looked. I was a mess!!! All night I tried to convince myself that maybe my dates were off and maybe I was only 7 weeks pregnant. The next morning I called the doctor and the earliest they could see us was Thursday afternoon, I thought I was going to go crazy. I then got in contact with one of my good friends, who is also an ER nurse for some direction. After talking with her, my husband and I decided to go visit her in the ER that night. After having the ultrasound and waiting for the Radiologist to read the results, the doctor came in and told us that we had lost our baby. The baby had actually died about 2 weeks ago and all I could think of is what happened two weeks ago...did I fall? did I feel something? WHAT HAPPENED??? I cried most of the way home and the same question I had 6 weeks ago came back "WHY?". Well by the following day I had started bleeding and cramping. I ended up miscarrying over the first weekend in September. As I look back over that week I can totally see the Lord's hand in the situation. He was right there walking beside us, but does that make it easier? Well I tired to convince myself it did. I tried to convince myself that I wasn't that attached to the baby and it was better for it to happen to me then some of my friends who were pregnant for the first time, but did that help...NO!!! I tried to act like it was just something that happened and that I was going to be ok, but that didn't help either. I even went to church the following weekend, but started crying half way through worship and couldn't stop. I was hurting so much! I was so angry and confused; then I realized that if I didn't face this I wasn't going to be ok. 


Sometimes, especially for me it is just easier to walk around a problem, especially if is a problem that I can't fix or control. But through this process God really showed me that I needed to walk right through this. That my life was going to be a mess until I really dealt with this situation head on. I would rather have put a band aid on it and put my happy face on and told everyone that I was fine, things were good and that I was going to be ok. But deep down I knew that was a lie and that I was hurting me and my family by doing that. The more I put off dealing with it, the more issues came up that were not just affecting me. I was scared and I didn't know how to walk through this, I just knew that I HAD to.


Is there something in your life that you have put a band aid on? Whether it be a HUGE situation or just a little one. Is it time to take off the band aid and deal with the issue? God wants to heal you, He does not want His children suffering. It is time for you to walk through your situation because it is just not affecting you, but everyone that loves you!!! God will be there with you, He will never leave you!! He wants to set you free from hurt and burdens that you DON'T have to carry. Take His hand and walk straight ahead! 

Why do I do what I do...

My oldest daughter just turned 5 and even though she is still one year away from entering Kindergarten, I have started homeschooling her this year and my 3 year old son when he is up for it. Why am I homeschooling? Is it because I don't believe in the public school system? NO! I am actually a teacher, I have my Bachelors in education with a double major in ECC & Elementary. I know there are many great public schools out there, I know there are many GREAT teachers out there and I know because God is watching over my children that they would do just fine in the public schools. I am homeschooling because God told me to. Will I homeschool each year? I don't know. I really feel like we are to look at our options each year and see what the best plan is for our kids. Each child is different and each child learns differently. I want my children to succeed and for that to happen I know that I need to be open to what the Lord is saying to me about my kids and where they are to go to school and that may change each year. So for this year, the Lord has told me to start to homeschool my kids, so that is what I am doing. 

Now that I knew the Lord had called me to homeschool I also needed Him to tell me how to homeschool. Yes, I am a teacher and I should know what I am doing, right? WRONG!!! I tried to take what I had learned in college and homeschool my kids and it was downright stressing me out! I felt like I was not getting anywhere with them and all of us ended up so frustrated. But I knew God had called me to this, so now what...Well during one of my morning quiet times I went before the Lord and said I don't know what to do, this is not working for me or my kids. The Lord spoke to me and said "School can be fun, it doesn't need to be all work. Make it enjoyable, but also a learning experience. Keep it simple! Don't stress! Homeschooling doesn't have to look like school. Make it your own. Don't look to others for approval only mine. Do what I have called you to." 

Let me tell you after hearing this it was like a huge weight had been lifted off. Instead of trying to write my own curriculum (like they made us do in college) I ordered up some books, printed off some papers from the internet and made some simple, achievable goals. Let me tell you, I am not stressing out or getting frustrated and even better my kids seem to be really enjoying it and learning something. 

Once the Lord has called us to something He will provide us with the tools to do it. Why is it we seem to hear the Lord's calling and then take off running thinking we can do it on our own? Since He has called us to it, don't you think we are going to need His help! I wish I would just learn to say "Ok Lord, you want me to do this, you need to help me"? Life would be so much easier, instead of trying it on our own first. Sometimes we just feel that we know what we are doing, we have the "training" or the task is simple. But I have learned no matter how much training how simple the task seems it will be so much easier if we ask God to equip us to do the work He has called us to. We are not designed to walk through life alone; we need Him in every aspect of life!!!

Now my little bragging moment :)

I started school mid-September with my 5 year old daughter, Addison and my 3 year old son, Lucas. We don't do school every day and we only do it for about 60-90 minutes. My first goal for my son was to recognize all the letters in the alphabet, so I made him some flash cards. The first time we did the flash cards he could recognize 8 letters and now it is mid-October and he now recognizes 24 letters. Addison has been working on the sounds of the letters and putting them together. About 2 weeks ago she read her first word CAT! I was so excited and it is such a wonderful feeling when they get it and understand what you have been teaching them. 

So this is why I homeschool my 2 oldest children

Being Real...

Who am I?

I am a wife, a mother of 3, a daughter, a sister, a stay-at-home mom, a friend, but above all I am one of God's children. 

What am I doing? 

Well that is a good question, because I really don't know. For awhile I have really felt the urge to write out what the Lord has been speaking to me, maybe it is just for me or maybe it will inspire, help or encourage someone else. I am not a professional writer, so I can't guarantee no typos, but I will try my best :)

Before beginning I want to say that I am not here to offend anyone and you may not agree with what I have to say and that is ok, because we are all different. We have all had different upbringings. We see things and do things different and that what makes each of us unique and special. My writings are what I believe, what I feel the Lord is speaking to me and what I am choosing to do with it.  This is me being real!!!