Sometimes I get worried about what I say or what I write. I really try hard not to offend anyone with my words. Sometimes I find it hard to always speak exactly what the Lord wants me to say because I'm to worried about the outcome and I DON'T LIKE CONFLICT!!!
Well today I got done reading the book of Jeremiah and that is one man who didn't have any fans because of the words he spoke, but that didn't stop him from speaking God's words. Jeremiah did what was asked of him even though he did it without human approval or belief. What an amazing man! Makes me ask the question that if God gave me a word to speak, would I do it even if I knew no one wanted to hear it or I knew I would offended everyone who did hear it? I would like to say Yes, but to be completely honest, I don't know if I would have the guts to do what Jeremiah did.
After reading Jeremiah, I am realizing that the only thing that matters is if I'm doing or speaking what the Lord has asked of me. I may say or write something that offends someone or they don't agree with what I said, but it is not my job to worry about that. My job is to do or speak what the Lord has requested and then I have to let the Lord do the work. He has to speak to the people that don't like what was said and change their hearts; I can't change them, I can only speak truth. I'm only the Messenger, but He is the Sender and the Author of our Faith. People may get mad, but if I am 100% sure that I did what the Lord asked of me then I have done my job!
I also worry about who will listen or read, but again that is not my place to worry. The Lord knows who He is talking to and the Lord will make sure that the person/people will read or listen to His words. It's not about how many read or listen, it's not about how many people I see respond, all that matters is that I have done the work the Lord has asked of me. Even if I write or speak and only one person responds that's one more then if I didn't obey. The Lord is in the business of saving, changing and loving people and if I can be a vessel that He uses to accomplish His work, then that's what I want to be.
Yes, I may get hurt, yelled at, disagreed with but MY GOD is bigger then any of those things. And one saved soul or a changed heart and the knowledge of knowing that I did what the Lord has asked of me is worth it all!!!
Matthew 28:18-20
Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always to the very end of the age."
So today, right here, right now, Lord I say use me and help me to speak each and every word that you have for me to say no matter the outcome!!!
March 24, 2011
March 15, 2011
Surrendering...
I have 3 beautiful children who are each 22 months apart from each other. How that happened I'm not really sure, we weren't really planning it that way, but that's how it worked out. So when we decided we wanted a 4th child we decided why not, let's go for 22 months again. And sure enough I got pregnant on the dot so my youngest and that unborn child would have been 22 months apart. Well due to my first miscarriage that plan didn't happen. So when we got pregnant again, we figured that our youngest and this unborn child would be about 28 months apart. Not really what we planned, but it wasn't bad. Well when I miscarried for the second time, we found out there were some complications with that pregnancy so I was put under strict instructions from the doctor not to get pregnant for at least 6 months. So now if we did decide to get pregnant again in 6 months, our youngest and the next child to be born would be over 3 years apart. Now I know that a lot of people have their kids 3 or 4 years apart, but that WAS NOT MY PLAN! This was something that I really struggled with. I started wondering if that child would feel like the leftover or the one we weren't planning on? Just because the other 3 are perfectly spaced, in my mind.
One night my husband and I were driving to a friends house and I was expressing my feelings to him and told him that I was ready to do something permanent in the way of birth control. He just looked at me and said "He was not ready to make that decision." For my husband that was huge, I had always been the one ready for the next one and pushing to have "one more". So I then began to protest saying our youngest and the next one would be over 3 years apart and I don't want them to feel like the oops. My husband calming said "They wouldn't be the oops, they would be the one we waited for." I didn't know what else to say so I was quiet the rest of the way.
Ever since that night over a month ago, my husband's words always came back to me when I am ready to give up on us having another child. Yes, I had always wanted four kids, but did I really want to go through the first trimester symptoms, the non stop worrying until we heard that heartbeat and possible the heartache all over again? That was something I wasn't sure I could handle again. Lately, my husband and I have talked a couple of times about "our plan", but nothing was ever really decided, at least it wasn't in my mind.
One Wednesday afternoon, I was spending my time with the Lord being real with Him, telling Him how stuck I was, how broken I felt and how I wasn't sure how to continue through this season. The Lord spoke and said "SURRENDER". This was not the first time I had heard Him say that word and daily I was trying to surrender my broken heart, my disappointment, my fear and whatever else I felt that day. So I started praying and surrendering those things to Him again and He stopped me and said "your plan for your family, surrender your plan." I stopped praying and listened as my Heavenly Father continued to speak to this area in my life. "Allow Me to be the Author of your family; allow Me to give you my perfect plan for your family; allow Me to write your story. You need to give me control in this area, you have been shown you can't control what happens. You need to surrender your story and allow me to write my story for your family. My story is perfect! Right there and then I realized that if the Lord blesses us with another child, he or she will not be the oops or the leftover, but they will be the one we waited for.
Psalms 32:8 I will instruct you and teach in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.
One night my husband and I were driving to a friends house and I was expressing my feelings to him and told him that I was ready to do something permanent in the way of birth control. He just looked at me and said "He was not ready to make that decision." For my husband that was huge, I had always been the one ready for the next one and pushing to have "one more". So I then began to protest saying our youngest and the next one would be over 3 years apart and I don't want them to feel like the oops. My husband calming said "They wouldn't be the oops, they would be the one we waited for." I didn't know what else to say so I was quiet the rest of the way.
Ever since that night over a month ago, my husband's words always came back to me when I am ready to give up on us having another child. Yes, I had always wanted four kids, but did I really want to go through the first trimester symptoms, the non stop worrying until we heard that heartbeat and possible the heartache all over again? That was something I wasn't sure I could handle again. Lately, my husband and I have talked a couple of times about "our plan", but nothing was ever really decided, at least it wasn't in my mind.
One Wednesday afternoon, I was spending my time with the Lord being real with Him, telling Him how stuck I was, how broken I felt and how I wasn't sure how to continue through this season. The Lord spoke and said "SURRENDER". This was not the first time I had heard Him say that word and daily I was trying to surrender my broken heart, my disappointment, my fear and whatever else I felt that day. So I started praying and surrendering those things to Him again and He stopped me and said "your plan for your family, surrender your plan." I stopped praying and listened as my Heavenly Father continued to speak to this area in my life. "Allow Me to be the Author of your family; allow Me to give you my perfect plan for your family; allow Me to write your story. You need to give me control in this area, you have been shown you can't control what happens. You need to surrender your story and allow me to write my story for your family. My story is perfect! Right there and then I realized that if the Lord blesses us with another child, he or she will not be the oops or the leftover, but they will be the one we waited for.
Psalms 32:8 I will instruct you and teach in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.
I'll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all
I'll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours
March 3, 2011
Don't Wait...
The clock read 11:00pm and I had been in bed for about an hour trying to shut off my brain so I could sleep, but sleep wouldn't come. I felt the soft nudging of the Lord "It's time to deal". I knew what He wanted, but I was ready for sleep, it had been a long day emotionally and physically. However, this was not the first time the Lord had prompted me to sit at His feet and be honest with Him. I was planning on it, I really was, I just was busy with life. Actually the day before I had decided that I was going to the Thursday Night Prayer Service, which I felt like would be a good time to start dealing with my 2nd miscarriage. Well I guess planning on "dealing" wasn't good enough for my Heavenly Father, so I finally rolled out of bed, headed downstairs, grabbed my bible, pen, notebook and ipod. I sat down and said I was going to "deal" on Thursday night. The Lord didn't really say anything so I started writing and after about 3 pages of writing, He started to speak. He met me right where I was and spoke to the areas in my heart that were hurting, He brought comfort, strength and truth.
But the Lord wasn't done...He then called me out on my plan of waiting until Thursday night. It was a gentle spirit that came, but at the same time He was very firm with me. He simply said "you don't need an appointment to enter my presence and I should not have to fit into your schedule."
Because of Jesus Christ we have a new convent with God. We don't have to wait to be called into His presence we can enter them at anytime; if you really stop to think about that it is a marvelous thing!
Hebrews 4:16 says "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
If I would have waited till Thursday I would have missed out on a wonderful, personal, comforting experience with My God. I realized that I didn't need the "perfect" moment for My Father to speak to me and to start to heal me. I am learning that when He calls I need to stop and take time with My Lord. The laundry can wait, the kids can watch a movie, the bathroom can be cleaned tomorrow. All of those things are not life changing, but falling on your knees before the Lord when He calls IS.
This late night happened shortly after my D&C, when my body was starting to heal and all the emotions of what just happened started flooding me. I really started struggling with my miscarriage and what I was feeling. I knew the truth, but the devil was doing a wonderful job at attacking and trying to instill lies whenever he could and I was growing weary of fighting him. I needed to be refreshed, renewed and comforted. During this late night meeting the Lord showed me this verse Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always - Ps 105:4. Why did I ever think I could wait until that Thursday to meet with my Heavenly Father?
When you are struggling, going through a storm, being attacked by our enemy or are just weary there is no better time to enter the presence of the Lord. We have the authority to enter God's presence at anytime so why wait until church on Sunday or a prayer service on Thursday or a bible study on Wednesday? Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with church. My family and I go every Sunday (we can); joining with other believers to worship and learn about God is much needed in our spiritual walk. What I am saying is we don't have to wait for those special days to enter the presence of the King of Kings, to be comforted, to be renewed, to be restored, to feel loved, and to find truth. He will meet you wherever you are, you just have to have to take the time to meet Him. I can guarantee if you take the time, you will not be disappointed and it will not be a waste.
But the Lord wasn't done...He then called me out on my plan of waiting until Thursday night. It was a gentle spirit that came, but at the same time He was very firm with me. He simply said "you don't need an appointment to enter my presence and I should not have to fit into your schedule."
Because of Jesus Christ we have a new convent with God. We don't have to wait to be called into His presence we can enter them at anytime; if you really stop to think about that it is a marvelous thing!
Hebrews 4:16 says "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
If I would have waited till Thursday I would have missed out on a wonderful, personal, comforting experience with My God. I realized that I didn't need the "perfect" moment for My Father to speak to me and to start to heal me. I am learning that when He calls I need to stop and take time with My Lord. The laundry can wait, the kids can watch a movie, the bathroom can be cleaned tomorrow. All of those things are not life changing, but falling on your knees before the Lord when He calls IS.
This late night happened shortly after my D&C, when my body was starting to heal and all the emotions of what just happened started flooding me. I really started struggling with my miscarriage and what I was feeling. I knew the truth, but the devil was doing a wonderful job at attacking and trying to instill lies whenever he could and I was growing weary of fighting him. I needed to be refreshed, renewed and comforted. During this late night meeting the Lord showed me this verse Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always - Ps 105:4. Why did I ever think I could wait until that Thursday to meet with my Heavenly Father?
When you are struggling, going through a storm, being attacked by our enemy or are just weary there is no better time to enter the presence of the Lord. We have the authority to enter God's presence at anytime so why wait until church on Sunday or a prayer service on Thursday or a bible study on Wednesday? Don't get me wrong there is nothing wrong with church. My family and I go every Sunday (we can); joining with other believers to worship and learn about God is much needed in our spiritual walk. What I am saying is we don't have to wait for those special days to enter the presence of the King of Kings, to be comforted, to be renewed, to be restored, to feel loved, and to find truth. He will meet you wherever you are, you just have to have to take the time to meet Him. I can guarantee if you take the time, you will not be disappointed and it will not be a waste.
March 1, 2011
Broken...
"Broken I come to you, for I know your arms are open wide."
I am broken! I am stuck! I am disappointed!
And here I sit, not sure where to go from here or how to get unstuck, but right now I'm ok with that, because I have been given freedom in knowing that it is ok for me to broken, to be stuck, to be disappointed. The Lord has met me where I am and He has given me comfort. He continues to speak to me and teach me. I know that my God is with me during this storm and He will never let go of me. The Lord has promised that He will restore me and that I will have peace and joy again, but until that day I will trust God that He will supply everything that I lack during this season in my life. I may be stuck for awhile but I'm choosing to surrender my brokeness, my disappointment and allow the Lord to meet me right where I'm at.
Lamentations 3:33 - For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.
I am not angry! I am not confused! I am not looking for answers!
I know my God didn't do this, I know this was not His plan and I don't need a reason why this happened. There may or may not be an answer to why to I miscarried again, but to be honest I don't want or need an answer right now. I know that my God is bigger then any medical answer or percentages or any other reason I have been given. I know that He could have changed the outcome of this pregnancy, but He didn't and for right now all I can do is accept that.
Psalms 34:18 - The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit.
I am grieving! I am processing! I am surviving!
Grief is one of those emotions that affects everyone differently and everyone processes loss differently. I am one of those people that just needs to know that others are praying; that I have a shoulder to cry on when I need one. I am not doubting my faith, I know that my God loves me and I know that I will see my children in heaven, but for right now I am grieving. I have my good days and I have the days that I am just surviving, but whatever day it is my God is with me and He wraps His arms around me and speaks truth to me.
My God says "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" - Hebrews 12:5
I will come out of this and some how, some way God will turn this in to something good, but until then I hold on to the promises and the truths of God. I take His hand and we will take one step at a time.
I am broken! I am stuck! I am disappointed!
And here I sit, not sure where to go from here or how to get unstuck, but right now I'm ok with that, because I have been given freedom in knowing that it is ok for me to broken, to be stuck, to be disappointed. The Lord has met me where I am and He has given me comfort. He continues to speak to me and teach me. I know that my God is with me during this storm and He will never let go of me. The Lord has promised that He will restore me and that I will have peace and joy again, but until that day I will trust God that He will supply everything that I lack during this season in my life. I may be stuck for awhile but I'm choosing to surrender my brokeness, my disappointment and allow the Lord to meet me right where I'm at.
Lamentations 3:33 - For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.
I am not angry! I am not confused! I am not looking for answers!
I know my God didn't do this, I know this was not His plan and I don't need a reason why this happened. There may or may not be an answer to why to I miscarried again, but to be honest I don't want or need an answer right now. I know that my God is bigger then any medical answer or percentages or any other reason I have been given. I know that He could have changed the outcome of this pregnancy, but He didn't and for right now all I can do is accept that.
Psalms 34:18 - The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and save those who are crushed in spirit.
I am grieving! I am processing! I am surviving!
Grief is one of those emotions that affects everyone differently and everyone processes loss differently. I am one of those people that just needs to know that others are praying; that I have a shoulder to cry on when I need one. I am not doubting my faith, I know that my God loves me and I know that I will see my children in heaven, but for right now I am grieving. I have my good days and I have the days that I am just surviving, but whatever day it is my God is with me and He wraps His arms around me and speaks truth to me.
My God says "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you" - Hebrews 12:5
I will come out of this and some how, some way God will turn this in to something good, but until then I hold on to the promises and the truths of God. I take His hand and we will take one step at a time.
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