Who's First...

I have been reading the book of Jeremiah lately and the first few chapters of Jeremiah really talk about how jealous God is. God had made a covenant with the Israelites when He brought them out of Egypt and after living in the Promise Land for awhile the Israelites had stopped living by the convent. The second half of Jeremiah 11:4 says "I said Obey me and do everything I command you and you will be my people and I will be your God." Well one of God's commandments to His people was "You shall have no other gods before me" Deuteronomy 5:7. The Israelites had broke this commandment, "You have as many gods as you have towns, O Judah; and the alters you have set up to burn incense to that shameful god Baal are as many the streets of Jerusalem" Jeremiah 11:13.  


In my life God has been teaching me that "gods" doesn't mean golden statues, but it means anything I put above or before Him. I have really started to take a look at my life and my daily routine and I have noticed that, even though I don't purposely mean to, I am putting things before God. One morning during my quiet time, God spoke to me and said "I am really jealous of your time, I want to spend time with you and you keep putting me last." I may not have a golden idol that I worship, but I do have other things in my life that are coming before God and spending time with Him. I love spending time with God, I come out refreshed, lighter, and I know that God loves me and is with me always. But then why don't I do it more? Yes, I have excuses...I have 3 kids under 5, I have a house to clean, laundry to wash, football games to watch and so on. But, are those really good enough excuses to not spend time with my Creator, my God, my Father, the Lover of my Soul? I really don't think so. He should come first daily! I need to put my Creator first, so I can be the wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend He intended me to be. My kids need me to put my God first, so I can be an example to them and they can see how important it is to spend time with God. My husband needs to me put my Father first so I can do my best to keep our household in order, the way God wants me to. If I don't put the Lover of my Soul first then I become very worldly and my flesh takes control. 


Jeremiah 17:5 says "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord." My flesh can only do so much, when I live in my flesh after a day or two everything seems to fall apart, but with God as my strength I can do all things. I need to stop using excuses to sit and be in the presence of the One who created me. I need to make Him a priority daily, not just on Sundays, but every day of the week. And when I spend time with my God, He wants it to be purposeful, He doesn't want my leftovers or because it is obligation. He wants my first, my best and He really wants me to want it. He desires to spend time with me and He wants me to desire to spend time with Him. 


Today I purposefully met with God. I told my kids it was book time and mommy was going to read her bible. The kids went to their rooms and read books, while I prayed and read my bible in the living room. About 1/2 way through my reading, my 3 year old son comes out and says "Mommy, I want to read my bible next to you." He came and sat on the couch and looked through his bible quietly. It was so sweet and it really made me realize that I need to let me kids seem me have quiet times with the Lord. 


The Lord your God desires to have you sit before Him, so He may teach you, love on you and hold you. He is a gentle God, but He is also a jealous one.

Choosing...

Overall I would say I am a people person. I enjoying being around people, I like talking with others and being involved in group activities. But I am realizing there is a difference between a people person and a person having true close friends. I enjoy making small talk with all kinds of people; finding out what is going on in their lives and sharing what surface stuff is going on in my life. It is hard for me to admit, but the more I look at my life, the more I realized that I am a people person, not a person with real true close friends.

I was at a Young Mom’s Brunch this morning that was hosted by the Women’s Ministry at my church and the Lord spoke loud and clear to me that I have chosen to be a people person and not a person with many true close friends. The Lord told me He wants to remove my hurt and pain caused by my “failed” friendship so I can have room for new true close friendship.

Friendship has always been hard for me. I have had many “failed” friendships in my 28 years. Looking back at my past friendship I could usually “keep” a close friend for 1-3 years and then something happened; family moves, change in schools, fight over a boy, failing out over something big at the time. Through these “failed” friendships I have learned that it was safer for me to hide my heart from girls and not get to close. I remember about 3 years into my friendship with my best friend I started withdrawing from her and making up stupid reasons that we couldn’t be friends anymore, so when “something” happened I wouldn’t get hurt again. Well I can reassure you that nothing ever happened, she didn’t let me withdrawal from our friendship. We have been wonderful friends for the past 8 years and I can’t imagine my life without her! But I have to admit that she is about the only friend in my life that REALLY knows the true me and like I said before that is my fault. When I start to feel people get to close or when they start to see my mistakes, failures and the “REAL” me, I usually pull back and put up walls. I start to make excuses why I can’t do things with them or I nitpick everything they do. Which ends up with me sabotaging the friendship. I am the one keeping people at arms length, I am the one making up excuses on why we can’t be friends, and I am the one hurting them and myself. WHY??? Because it is easier to stay in my little world, it is easier not to be “real” with people, and there is a better chance I won’t get hurt. Well all of those reasons might be true, but what am I losing out on? Real true friendships, playdates, help with life is tough and a great excuse to go get coffee every once in a while.  I have let my past rob me of real meaningful friendship, because I was too worried about getting hurt again. Well today I want to change that! I am choosing not to allow the things of my past to dictate my future. I want to have many real, truthful, close friendships. I want to be honest with the “real stuff” and have deeper conversations than surface level; will everyone be my close friend? No, but I want to be open to those who want to be. I want to stop holding people at arms length because it is more convenient. Will I get hurt again? I don’t know, maybe, but then I will ask the Lord for healing and move on. I am choosing today to open my heart!

Is there something in your past that is dictating how you live your life? I know the Lord wants to heal you and set you free of that thing that is holding you back from living the life God wants you to live! 

Take Every Chance…

As I have mentioned before I have 3 little kids and they keep be busy. So every now and then we end up taking a drive through the nearest Drive-Thru Starbucks. During this particular trip to get my usual Upside-down Cameral Macchiato, we saw a friend of ours who working the drive-thru. After getting my much needed coffee and a quick hello we were off to our next stop. But before we could get to our next destination the kids started to ask a few questions about the friend we just saw. Addison asked, “Who does he live with?” I answered with the names of the guys he lives with. Then came the question “Why doesn’t he live with a girl?” So I started to explain to her and Lucas who was now involved in the conversation, that he wasn’t married and girls can’t live with boys and boys can’t live with girls until they are married. Then of course came the next set of questions concerning marriage. I then let them know that boys only marry girls and girls only marry boys. So then Lucas comes back with “I’ll marry Addison.” I then had to talk about how we can’t marry family, but friends are ok. Out of what I thought was a simple stop at Starbucks I ended up talking to my kids about marriage and moving in with people when they got older. Do I think they will remember this conversation when they get older and start to make these kinds of decisions, probably not, but it doesn’t hurt to start talking about what is right in God’s eyes in this fallen world.

Another situation came up last week, which became a good teaching moment as well. We were seating at the dinner table and my son asked if he could have a piece of candy for dessert? I told Luc that he would have eat all his dinner first and then we would see. Then Addison of course asked if she could have a piece if she ate all her dinner? I told her no, because she was going to her Awana group at church and Lucas was going to have to stay home with dad. She then tried to tell me that it wasn’t fair for her not to get a piece. My husband and I then talked about how she gets special treats like Cubbies & Swim lessons and since Lucas is not old enough he gets other special treats. Not everyone gets the same thing and that is ok, because everyone is different.

So with all this being said, I am learning to take every chance I get to teach my kids good morals, life isn’t fair and what God says is ok and not ok. I know they are young, but believe me they get it. They understand so much and I would rather start now and use precious moments like these it instill good solid truths into my children, so that as they get older they know what is right and wrong, not just in my eyes, but also the eyes of their Heavenly Father.

I know sometimes as parents we get bombarded with questions and we get tired of answering them. It is just easier for us to say “let’s talk about that later” or “not right now” or “can you just please be quiet and go play?” But I believe that no matter how tired we get we need to be ready to answer our children’s questions. When kids ask questions then they are probably ready to hear the answer or solution to a problem and it may always not be at a convenient time for us, but they are ready and open to hear. We need to make sure we allow them to ask us questions even if they are silly questions, because that lets our children know that we have time for them. I also think this is really valuable later in life when the BIG questions come up, because if we didn’t take the time to answer little questions the little questions now, do you really think they will come to us with the BIG questions later?

God gives us so many chances and ways to teach our children strong biblical truths, take every opportunity He gives you and you will be so glad you did!!!

Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when is old he will not turn from it.

Walking Through This Life…

One of my favorite songs right now is “This Little Light of Mine” by Addison Road and there is one line from this song that sums up this life pretty well “In this life you will know love & pain, joy & sorrow.” God did not promise us a perfect life, but He did promise He would always be with us. Hebrews 13:5 “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

After I miscarried the Lord really spoke a strong word to me that I really needed to hear…We are not designed to walk through this life alone! This word took on 2 different meanings in my life.

First meaning…

About 1 week after I miscarried I was still dealing emotionally with the loss of my baby, but at the same time I was trying to get my life and my kids’ lives back to “normal” and let’s just say I was having a really tough time. I felt like my world was just spinning out of control. I was at a place that I just needed peace in my life, but I wasn’t sure how to get it. Then the Lord gave me the word “You are not designed to do this alone!” Life becomes so much harder when we try to do it alone! I begun to seek the Lord and how I was to move on from the miscarriage and as I did He showed up time and time again. During this time He gave me new insight on teaching my kids and He also gave me some ideas on how I could teach them more about Him.  I begin to feel peace in my house and in my life. My kids were sleeping better, they really started engaging in school, I didn’t feel like I was going crazy and I really enjoyed being home with my kids.

The Lord is always there it is just a matter of us asking Him to come in and lead in every area of our lives. Sometimes it is really easy for me to ask God for guidance and direction with the BIG stuff in life, but I have to remember that He wants to guide me even in the little areas too. God has made us to NEED Him! It is not God’s intention to live this life or any part of this life without Him. He wants to be involved in every aspect of our lives, the good, bad & ugly.

Second meaning…

From the time I had first learned that my baby didn’t have a have a heartbeat until I had physically miscarried, I tired so hard to walk through this process alone. I thought it would be so much easier to say “I’m ok,” that way people would leave me alone. Then it all hit me, I was sitting in church and everyone was worshiping our Creator and I couldn’t stop crying. I let my husband that I need to go find someone to pray for me and I had one person in mind. As I walked out of the sanctuary that one person walked right in front of me. I said her name and she came over, gave me a hug and I just cried. She walked me to a room where we could talk and pray. She let me cry and talk and then she prayed. It was the first step of my healing. It was such a blessed time and I was so thankful that she was there. After that moment I knew that I was going to need to let a few people into my life, so they could help me heal and really minister to me.

God created Eve because it was not good for Adam to be alone. God has put people in our lives because it is not good for us to walk through life alone. I was a big mess and it was really hard for me to let people see that, but I knew that I couldn’t walk through this alone. So I had to let my guard down and let some ladies in. I was so glad that I did, God really spoke to me through those ladies and I am so blessed they took the time to minister to me. Through this I really realized that I didn’t have to have it all together, that it was ok for me to be a mess and to let others see that I was a mess. God wants us to be in community where it is ok to let our guard down and really tell someone we are not ok. He wants us to have friends that we can call anytime of day and say we need prayer.  God made other people because it is not good for us to be alone.

If you don’t feel like you are in a community where you can be real, then I challenge you to find friends that will let you be whom you are, failures, hurts, pain and all. No one is perfect and no one will have a perfect life. Everyone will experience “love & pain, joy & sorrow” but you don’t have to go through any of it alone.

I Have A Story…

I don’t know how many times I listen to an amazing testimony and wish that I had some GREAT story to tell; how I was so far away from God and He rescued me from all my sin and shame. But then I look over my life and to me there has never been a GREAT story. I got married when I was 20, didn’t have sex outside of marriage, never been drunk, never smoked and I have been a Christian since I was 4 or 5. Most people might look at my story and say you are so blessed that you didn’t have to go through those things, but I look at my story and say how am I suppose to minister to people if I don’t have a GREAT story? I never felt like I could really reach people if I didn’t have a GREAT story. Do I have the perfect story? No! Do I have the perfect marriage? No! Am I the perfect mom? No! But I know that I’m not the only one that feels this way, so that doesn’t make my story any different from the next person. I felt like I needed a story that stood out so God could really use me effectively. How was God supposed to use me, if my story wasn’t any different then the next person?

In the last 3 months the Lord has really been speaking to me that I don’t need a GREAT story to minister to others. The Lord didn’t give me a GREAT story (or at least my idea of a GREAT story), but I still have a story and I am supposed to share that with others. The Lord spoke these words to me “Stop being afraid to share what I have and am doing in your life, be real and honest. People will give you back what you give them.” If I want to impact others then I need to be honest, so that people feel like they can be honest with themselves and me. The Lord has written my story and to Him it is a GREAT story; a story to share, and a story to encourage. Who am I to say my story isn’t good enough, my story won’t win souls for Christ, and my story won’t minister to people? The Lord wants to use me and probably has wanted to use me for a while, but was I listening? No, I was worried about not having a GREAT story. Now I am praying that the Lord shows me how to use my story to minister to others and that He will bring ladies to me that I can reach, teach and pray for. I want to use my story for God, no matter how GREAT or simple I think my story is.

A bit of my story…

2 ½ years ago my husband and I started a newlyweds small group with some couples from our church, we had such a rough couple of years that our heart was to help newly married couples have successful starts to their marriages. It amazes me how God has really ministered to me while we were ministering to these couples. I know that my marriage was not the best, especially in the first couple years, but I knew that we had grown and things were better. But after ministering to theses couples for about 2 years the Lord really showed me what the root was of those really rocky couple of years. I had very little respect for my husband as the head of the house and it showed in every aspect of our marriage. There is a reason God says wives respect your husbands and it took me a few years to really understand what that meant and how to do that. Trust me it wasn’t an easy road and it was a very humbling one, but now I can say, whole-heartily, that I respect my husband for the man that he is, the man God has created him to be. After realizing what the root issue was for us during those years, God has given me a few opportunities to share some of the troubles that we dealt with because I didn’t respect my husband. Did I ever think the Lord would use that to minister to others? No, because to me it wasn’t part of a GREAT story. It was just me being human and not following the Lord’s instructions for my marriage. Through that last couple of months I have learned it is not my job to decide if my story is worth telling, BUT is my job to listen to the Lord and be ready to share my story when He instructs me to do so. My life may be a simple story in my eyes, but I know the Lord is using it for His kingdom and that is what matters.

Please don’t be afraid to tell your story because I can guarantee there is someone out there that needs to hear it!!!

Jeremiah 10:23

I know, O Lord, that a man’s life is not his own; it is not for man to direct his steps.