Your Will Be Done...

Today I take my eyes and I fix them on the cross. Today is a day to remember that Jesus came for me, He came for you, He came for all! He took my place, He took your place, He took all of our places. We were suppose to die, we are the sinners and we are suppose to pay the price, but all because of HIS LOVE for me, for you, for all of us, we are given the gift of eternal life. 

As I have been reading through the gospels I am so humbled by Jesus' response to dying. Over and over He says not my will, but my Father's; I am here to do the work the Father has sent me to do. Jesus knew what was ahead of Him at the cross. He knew He would die a sinner's death, but it wasn't nails that held Him, it was His Father's will and His LOVE for us. This was God's redemption plan for His people. The only way we could be called Sons and Daughters of the Most High God is if a Spotless Lamb died in our place. 

I am a person who likes to plan and be in control, but during the past two years and through a series of events I have had to bow my knee and say to my Father, "Not my will but yours be done." This has been a real stretching time for me, but it has also been a time of so much growth in my personal life and in my relationship with God. 

The latest event for me and my family is after 18 months of house shopping we are in the process of buying a house! YAY!! The last month has been filled with excitement, joy, uncertainty, fear and even a few whys (ok, well maybe a lot of whys). During these 18 months we have looked in 7 different cities and for the last 4 months we have been looking in one specific city. Well, now we are buying in a different city and about 4 months ago this was the same city I said I didn't want to live in. Some of you may be asking, "Well then why are you buying a house there?" Because it goes back to "Not my will but yours be done." With that being said, we believe whole heartily that this is the house the Lord has for us. Our new house is more that I could imagine and I know the Lord has plans for us in the neighborhood He is putting us in, but let's just say it was not my first choice or my second or even my third of places to live. 

We have talked with many people about where we are moving to and we keep hearing "that's a great neighborhood" or "that's a nice area". I smile and say "oh that's good to hear" but deep down I keep thinking what did we do? Why are we moving there? Maybe we heard God wrong? 

During one my quiet times last week the Lord spoke, "So this isn't exactly what you thought it would look like, so what are you going to do about it?" I felt like He gave me 3 options: 

1) Plant your feet and disobey 

2) Go limp and let Me drag you there while your heart goes hard and you miss the WHY 

3) Go with an expectant heart and allow Me to show you the WHY  

The closer we get to the "Big Move" the more I feel this move is His way of asking "Is it really My will that be done or is it yours?"

With that question lingering in the back of my mind I reread Jesus' responses to the cross before Him...Luke 22:42 "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will but yours be done."Jesus knew what was before Him AND He still submitted to the Father's will.

Now in NO way am I comparing our move to Jesus' death, (those two things are not even comparable) but what moves my heart is Jesus' response. His response to His Father's will is, well...INCREDIBLE and so full of LOVE for His Father and for us. With Jesus as my example I want to have His obedience! I want to submit to my Heavenly Father the way Jesus did! I want to say "Not mine but Your will be done" and mean it EVERY TIME! 

So I choose option 3. I will go with an expectant heart and allow God to show me the WHY. 

How do you handle situations that come up that don't look like you thought they would? Are you willing to let God's will control your life? Are you willing to say "Not mine, but your will be done" and MEAN it? 

Jesus did and because of His obedience I have the gift of grace and eternal life, you have the gift of grace and eternal life, we all have the gift of grace and eternal life. 

John 3:16-17 - For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. 

Uncomfortable or Comfortable...

Trusting God can be a scary thing. Surrendering to God can be even scarier, especially when we are comfortable. The bible is full of people that were probably comfortable, that were ok where they were and God said I want you to move here; I want you to go get my people out of Egypt; I want you to be king; I want you to speak on my behalf;  I want you to have my Son;  I want you to follow me...it goes on and on.

The last couple of days during my quiet time He has spoken the term "I am not a drive-thru God." At first, my response was of course you're not, but the more that I pondered what He said, the more I realized He is trying to break my habit of using Him as a "drive-thru God". I would define the term "drive-thru God" as: asking God for what I think I need; making Him God on my terms; only giving Him what I want; only doing what He asks when it's comfortable or safe; doing all the talking and not taking time to be quiet to hear him; knowing He is there, but only stopping by when its convenient for me. I am sure we have all done at least one of those things, if not all. The more I get to know my Heavenly Father the more I am pretty sure this was NOT the relationship He intended to have with us.

God spoke through Paul saying "And He died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for Him who died for them and was raised again." 2 Corinthians 5:15. Not only are we suppose to live for Him we are also suppose to be dependent on Him; to allow Him to lead our paths; to not worry; to give Him our anxiety; to be His child; to daily pick up our cross and follow Him; to spend time daily with Him; to let Him be in control; to submit to His ways and His plans for our lives. He doesn't want the leftovers of the day, He wants the first fruits. He wants us to know Him, truly know Him. Know Him as King, as a Good Good Father, as Provider, Deliverer, Counselor and Immanuel. God wants to walk through the day with us and not just be the forgotten God until you need Him.

One thing I have learned over the past couple of years, is when you purposely spend time with our Heavenly Father and when He becomes more than a "drive-thru God" He starts to work His ways into every part of your being. He starts to change the way you think and act. He shows you habits that are not pleasing to Him. He starts to ask things of you that seem impossible. He asks you to pray for people and forgive people that have deeply hurt you. He brings to mind verses like Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts neither are your ways my ways, As the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." It seems He is more concern that I am doing what He wants me to do or for me to be where He wants to me be instead of how comfortable I am (which He is). My life becomes less about what I want and what I want to do and becomes more about the plans the Lord has for me. It's taking my relationship with God one step further and saying I totally surrender to the plans you have for me and my family and I will follow where you lead, EVEN if it makes me uncomfortable.

In August of 2015 we felt the prompting of the Lord for us to leave our home church (We were not angry or mad with anyone at our church; this was totally from the Lord). This church is where my husband grew up and my family started attending while I was in Middle School. My husband and I met at this church, our Youth Pastor married us, all of our kids have been dedicated in this church, we have family and many friends there and have been involved in many different ministries during our time there. We didn't have a plan, we didn't have another church we were planning on attending so this was going to be a step of faith for us. After meeting with the pastors and putting some things in order we left our "home" church at the end of September. We had a few things on a checklist that we wanted our "new" church to have, but in the end we knew it was God who was going to have to make it clear that He wanted us there. I remember something my husband said when talking with a friend, "it's not really so much about we want or what we think, it's about whether or not we feel the Lord is calling us to that church." Our attitudes became Lord, we will go where you want us, but you will have to show us, confirm it and go with us. After much prayer we have found a church that we feel is where God has us, we are not totally sure why at this point, but we are trying to serve where we are needed.

During the last 2 years the Lord has done a lot of pulling us out of our comfort zones. Why? Well to be honest we still don't know. We are just trying to obey Him one step at a time. We are trying to say YES, every time He asks something of us, no matter how uncomfortable it is. We are trying to surrender our ways and thoughts to Him and allowing Him to direct our steps, even when we don't understand the WHY behind it. A lot has changed for us and a lot is still very unsettled for us. However, what I would say about the last two years that even during the struggles, during the hard times and the unknowns I would NOT trade the last two years for anything. My relationship with the Lord has never been stronger; my faith has become more than just words. He has become more than a "drive-thru God" in my life.

Are there areas in your life where you are starting to feel the Lord's prompting, but you know that if you acknowledge it or say Yes, it will not be comfortable? Are you only giving God what you want or serving Him the way you want because it's comfortable? Are you using God as a "drive-thru God"? He wants a true relationship with you; He wants to have ALL of you, but in return He wants to give Himself ALL to you. He wants to drive, lead, be in control, even when you are not comfortable. bbnb n  

Psalm 37:4-7a - "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him."

Faithfulness...

Psalms 66:5-6 Come and see what God has done, how awesome his works in man's behalf! He turned the sea into dry land, they passed through the waters on foot - come, let us rejoice in him. 

Reading these verses this morning, made me pause and reflect on all God has done in my life the past 17 months. In the beginning of 2014 the Lord gave me two very clear and direct words.

1) I was going to homeschool all 3 of my kids for the upcoming school year. I had already been homeschooling my son and working a bit with my 2nd daughter, but my oldest daughter was attending a Christian school for the past two years and she LOVED it there. I wasn't sure how I was going to break the news to her and I really didn't know how she was going to take it. I didn't tell her right away and I started praying that the Lord would prepare her heart for the news.

2) He was going to sell our house. We bought our first home with the thought of living there a couple years, build some equity and then sell it to buy our first family home. Well due to the market crashing that was not the case. 10 years and 4 kids later we were still living in the house we thought we would only be in for a couple of years.

So after receiving both these words in January of 2014, I told my husband what I felt the Lord was saying to me. He was on board with me homeschooling, but selling the house, well let's just saying he and not heard that from the Lord yet. I went to the Lord and just started praying. Lord, did I hear you right? What am I to do if my husband is not on board? My Heavenly Father gently told me "You do your part and I will do my part." Those words gave me so much hope and excitement for what He was going to do. For the next couple of months I began praying that my husband would hear from the Lord; during that time I started cleaning out closets. About 3 months later my husband came to me and says I feel the Lord saying we are to get the house ready to sell. There was part of me that wanted to say "See I told ya!" However, I didn't. I was just thankful that my husband and I were on the same page. We started working together on the items that needed to be done so we could sell. We also shared with our children what we felt the Lord had told us and every evening during our family prayer time we would pray for the sale of our house and the purchasing of our new home. I begun to get excited to watch my kids' faith grow as the Lord fulfilled His promises to my family.

I think it was the end of March or the first part of April that we told our oldest daughter that she was not going back to school next year. She cried as expected, but the more we discussed it and talked through the decision, my daughter began to be ok with it and almost got excited to stay home. In June, the Lord started preparing my heart and mind to homeschool my 3 kids. I started planning and getting really excited. Now this past school year has not gone exactly how I had planned, but it has been good and it has been such a blessing to watch my kids' relationships with each other grow.

On September 22, 2014 we put our house up for sale. It was exciting and nerve racking at the same. On December 19th we signed papers, handed over the keys and walked away from a house that had been our home for the past 10 1/2 years.

God took almost the whole year, but He did it. I started homeschooling all 3 of my kids and He sold our house in 2014. It was a crazy, stressful and exciting year. My faith grew in more ways than I can count. God continued to be faithful time and time again. When things started to look like they would fall apart, He would gently remind me "You do your part and I will do my part."

Some times life doesn't look like what we thought it would or things don't work out the way we planned or some times God's timing is not our timing, but when we step back and allow God to lead and do His work, He will be bless us far more than we could imagine or think.

Ephesians 3:20 Now to him who is able to do immeasurable more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us

Remembering where the Lord has brought you from, reflecting on His faithfulness in your life is such an encouragement and a strong way of building your faith. Especially when you are in a place that is hard, that doesn't make sense and not what you expected or planned. For me, looking back on 2014 makes it easier to hold tight to the promises that He hasn't fulfilled yet.

Psalms 117:2 For great is his love towards us, and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever. 

My Focus...

As I look at the world around me I see so much that doesn't make sense. Violence, death, tragic loss, unexplained pain and so much more. With a world that has so much brokenness, it becomes so easy to get swept into hopelessness, anger, depression.

When life becomes hard, when there are situations that I don't have answers for, when I just can't understand why; I find myself focusing on everything that's wrong, that I can't explain, that I can't fix. I let my mind wonder and I find myself struggling, confused, angry and sad. I can take a wonderful, beautiful, new day and turn in into a very dark, cloudy, don't want to do anything sort of day. Well that was my day yesterday. I got so focused on everything that was wrong; unexplained, tragic loss; not having a place to call our own (that's another story); the list of things I had to do alone (my husband is out of town on a business trip); just one thing after another kept filling up my thoughts and I made the mistake of dwelling on them. By the time I got my kids into bed last night I was down right angry, physically tired and mentally exhausted.

This morning I had to fight myself to get up before everyone else so I could do my quiet time, but I was so thankful that I did. Grabbed my coffee, bible, journal, devotional and pen. As soon as I sat down and opened up my devotional the Lord gently spoke, "You took your eyes off of Me, you let your feelings, your situations, your fears fill you yesterday." All I could do was stop reading and start praying. I had to ask for forgiveness and I thanked Him for His mercies that our new every morning. After my prayer time I read the following verse in my daily devotion.

Ps 61:2 - From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. 

Yesterday, I LET my heart grow faint, I LET my eyes be taken off My Rock, I LET this broken world overtake my joy. There is so much I don't understand, so many things I don't have answers for,  but when I don't allow the troubles of this world to over take me I HAVE faith. Faith that there is a God and He loves me. Faith that this world is not all there is. Faith that one day we will be in a place with no more pain, hurt or sickness.

When we allow the broken things of the world to become our focus, we lose sight of God's promises; we lose sight of the Hope we have in Jesus Christ. No, this world is not an easy place to live and Jesus told us we would have trouble, but He also told us to take heart because He overcame the world.

John 16:33 - "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." 

Ps 105:4 - Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.

Allow the Lord to be your focus and your strength. Keep your eyes focused on Him, His truths and His promises.

1 Thess 5:16-18 - Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks is all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 

Unconditional Love

This morning I was ready my about God's unconditional love and felt prompted to blog about what God was saying to me.

Sometimes I feel God's unconditional love is very hard for me to comprehend, grasp, even understand. His love is nothing like human love. Human love is about the person, the actions, the word, the feelings. God's love is about who He is! HE IS LOVE! We can't control God's love, we can't stop it, push it away, mess it up, or run from it. It is always there and there is nothing we can do that will change that.

God's love doesn't rely on actions, His or ours! He loves you even if you are not healed or are going through a horrible storm in your life. Bad things happen and that is part of the sinful world we live in, it has NOTHING to do with how much God loves you! Just like grace, we don't have to earn His love, it's always there. We don't have to do anything special or serve him for so many hours or pray a certain way. It is just there and it is ALWAYS there! He created us and therefore He loves us!

A chorus of a song by 33 Miles sings about God's love and how it always will be.
I loved you then, I love you now
I will love you tomorrow
When this world breaks you down
I will give you strength to stand
Look to me, take my hand and just believe
Before this day ever began, I loved you then

1 John 4:16 - And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God and God in him. 

The first part of that verse says we are to rely on the love God has for us. The dictionary defines the word rely to depend confidently or to put trust in. We are to depend on or put trust in that God's love will always be there regardless of where you are, what crazy storm you are in or what the world around us looks like. His love is steadfast, unconditional and so very, very real!!!

He will ALWAYS love you tomorrow!!!

More Grace, Less Judgement...

Last week I had a huge To-Do List in order to get my house ready for my 4 year-old's birthday party. Of course every thing on the list probably took 2-3 times longer than it should of because I haven't deep cleaned my house in about 7 months. Each day I would put on my earphones and listen to music as I got one task done after another. Something I relearned about myself is that I REALLY like music and it motivates me to keep on task. Well while my playlist was on shuffle one song came on that I haven't heard in awhile and I stopped what I was doing and just listened to the lyrics. During that song I really felt the Lord speaking to me and I knew another post was in my near future. I was hoping to get it done before Mother's Day but as you can see by the date that didn't happen. But better late than never, right!?!

The song that stopped my in my tracks was One Heartbeat At A Time by Steven Curtis Chapman

You're up all night with a screaming baby
You run all day at the speed of life
And every day you feel a little bit less
Like the beautiful woman you are

So you fall into bed when you run out of hours
And you wonder if anything worth doing got done
Oh, maybe you just don't know
Or maybe you've forgotten

You, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time

With every "I know you can do it"
Every tear that you kiss away
So many little things that seem to go unnoticed
They're just like the drops of rain over time
They become a river

And you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
How you're changing the world
You're changing the world

I felt like these verses were written about my life and my take on motherhood especially these past few months. Up all night, running all day, little things seem to go unnoticed, wondering if anything worth doing got done. But then listening to the chorus it reminds me why I chose to be a mother and why I wouldn't trade this job for anything in the world.

Motherhood is a lot of work especially since God has created every little child so different. I have four children and each child is very much their own person and they all require something different from me. They also learn differently and take discipline differently as well. Just recently have I become more aware of what make my child unique and how I can help them became the man and women God has created them to be. Every day I feel like I learn something new about at least one of my children.

I know that I don't have it all together and I am NOT the perfect mom AND I have made mistakes with my kids, but I also feel that parenting doesn't fit into a box or a book because each child is created differently. What works for one child, might not work for another. Parenting is not easy, it is a lot of INTENTIONAL work.

Since each of our children are different that makes us moms different too. What works for one mom may not work for another. The Lord has really been speaking to me about judging less and giving more grace when I see other moms parenting differently than me. When I see a mom with her kids in a store, at church or at a park for the most part I am only seeing a little window into their world. I don't know the whole story so where is it my place to judge and tell them they a wrong. I know that I parent or react differently if I haven't had enough food or enough sleep or a bit of time to myself. I am human which means I have good days and bad days. Some days I feel like I have great "mom days" and then there are other days that I feel are "failing mom days". But on the days that are a struggle of me I am so thankful for God's grace and forgiveness. Also for the grace and forgiveness of my kids. Yes, I have gone to my kids and have asked for their forgiveness when I have had a bad day or have not reacted the way I should of to something.

Just yesterday I was at Target with all 4 of my kids; I was trying to look and price something out and my kids were getting restless. I had told them 3-4 times to stop touching things, well I was starting to get frustrated with them because they seem to have the urge to touch everything they saw. I knew my frustration was starting to show as I tried to stay calm and finish up my list as quick as possible. Well when we turned the corner to go down another aisle a mom stopped me (who had one younger boy with her) and said she was very impressive with me and how my kids were behaving. That just made my day. I know that I have gone in stores and gotten the "I can't believe she can't control her kids" stares but today was different I had received encouragement instead of judgment. That just changed my whole mood around. I felt blessed! The Lord again reminded me...More Grace, Less Judgement.

So to all those Moms out there who are doing their best, be encouraged that you are changing the world one heartbeat at a time. Even though life is hard right now, YOU are doing an amazing job!!!  And always remember you are the BEST MOM for your kids.

Honest...

It has been a year since my last post so here is a bit of an update on my life...

On November 11, 2012 my Heavenly Father blessed me and my husband with a beautiful, healthy baby girl. She is now 5 1/2 months and such a blessing to our family. She has the biggest smile and every time I see that smile I think to myself she is "the one we waited for". I can't imagine my life or my family with out her.

In late August my Oldest Daughter (who I was homeschooling) started 1st grade at a Christian School near our house. This school has been such a blessing and the Lord has been so faithful to provide for her tuition.

My Son is in his last year at an amazing preschool and am very excited that my middle daughter will be attending there next year. If you asked me a year ago if my life would look like this I would have said no, but everyday I see God's hand and blessing on my family and for now this is my life.

Now enough with the family update and on to the actual reason I am writing again. This past year has been filled with a lot of change for me. I went from staying home on a regular bases to getting up every morning taking my daughter to school and picking up her every afternoon, taking my son to preschool three afternoons a week, driving my daughter to her dance class one day a week, church two days a week and having a 4th child. At first when people asked me how I was I would say "Great, tired, but good." Then life continued on and I felt like I was always on the go and when I wasn't I just wanted to sleep or veg in front of the TV. My desire to grab my bible and spend time with God was not there, which in turned kept me away from writing. But those weren't the only things that started slipping in my life, the desire to do anything productive showed up only once every two weeks or so, my desire to cook and clean was totally gone. So thankful my family is ok with pancakes for dinner.  I was starting to feel worn out. I felt like I was on a merry-go-round and I couldn't get off. Every day I would measure as a successful day if everyone got where they needed to be on time, everyone was fed and in their own beds when it was bed time.

All of this is a feeling that I had never felt before. The feelings of being overwhelmed and unproductive with a HUGE list of things that need to be done hanging over my head that keeps growing each day.  I have never had baskets of clean clothes just hanging out in my living room waiting to be folded like I do now. Anything that has taken any real work to do I have tried avoiding, because I just don't seem to have the energy to deal with it.

So now after you have read me whine, complain and tell you all about my crazy life I am sure you are waiting for me to tell you how I fixed it all, how I figured it all out and now how my life is a piece of cake...
Well if you are you will be greatly disappointed. I have not found that special ingredient or magic equation that makes my life easier. On a side note, coffee is a wonderful thing, but not the answer! Then why am I writing this because God told me to. For the past month or so the Lord has told me to start writing again, even if I don't have all the answers. Because when I write it makes me be honest with myself. It makes me be honest with all you. It makes me be honest with Him. It makes me break down and ask for help. It makes me say I am not perfect and no matter how hard I try to be and how hard I try to say I am "good", the reality is that I am worn and tired.

The Lord has told me that I don't have to have it all together, my life can be messy and I can be really tired and it's OK...He just wants me to be HONEST with Him. He already knows, but there is something that happens when you actually break down and honestly tell Him how you are.

One of my favorite song right now is Worn By Tenth Avenue North. Here is one verse from that song...
I know I need to lift my eyes up, but I'm to weak.
Life just won't let up
I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Right now I cry out and say Lord I have nothing left. I am tried and worn. I need you to give me rest. I need you to be in the center of my life. I need strength that only comes from you. Most of all I NEED you! I need you to be everything I can't be right now.

Being Restored...

Well it is mid May and this is my first post for 2012...not sure what to think of that. It's not like the Lord has not been speaking or moving, it's just I have not had a real impression on my heart to write about them until today. So I hope I am not to rusty after taking 5 1/2 months off :)

I looked back at my last post which was on promises and how God's promises have not changed for me and His plans for my life have remained the same even through hard trials. After reading it, I was just WOWED by how that is so true. Even though we feel like we have been forgotten or lost in the mix of "the more important" promises, it is not true. My God has NEVER forgotten me and He will never forget you. Today I write you with two promises that are in the midst of being fulfilled! Much of which was lost in the last 2 years of my life is being restored to me.

1) A little over a week ago God took a friendship that for almost a year has been shattered, broken and many may have looked at it as unfixable, but the Lord is so much bigger then anything the devil divides. What was lost is now being found again. What was shattered is being made into something new. The process has been very challenging for me, because I am a person that would rather let things go, but I knew that was not what the Lord was calling me to. This is a work in progress, but for the first time in months I have hope for this friendship and am so glad that Lord wouldn't let me, let go. 

2) This next one is something that I am very excited to share with each one of you...I am expecting a BABY around Thanksgiving. Nine weeks ago I found out I was pregnant and I was scared to death. Two months prior to this I was told that I had a blood disorder that could cause miscarriages and/or possible pregnancy complications. I was advised to see a OB/GYN that deals with high risk pregnancies before getting pregnant. Well due to sickness and conflict of schedules I had not been able to get in to see this doctor and then I find out I expecting (which was a bit of a shock) threw me into panic mode. But because this was God's plan and not mine he had everything worked out in advance. I was able to find a good doctor who was able to see me right away, we were able to come up with a plan to help me get through the first 12 weeks and I have been able to have two ultrasounds that have showed a very healthy baby with a strong heartbeat.

Now in now way is this baby replacing the two I lost, but this is God fulfilling His promise that I felt like He gave me after my first miscarriage. My two other babies will always hold a special place in my heart and I can't wait till I get to hold them and hug them in heaven, but this baby, to me, is God showing His goodness and favor. I am so blessed that my God is full of love and compassion and that He NEVER forgets us, not ever!!!

During this pregnancy I would ask for your prayers for a healthy, strong baby to arrive without any complications. I have had so much peace over this pregnancy and little fear, but I know the devil would like nothing better to change all of that, so your prayers would mean so much to me.

If you have been praying for areas in your life to be restored I would say KEEP praying, don't give up! Our God has NOT forgotten you and He loves you so very much!!!

Promises...

Today has been a tough day, just a lot of ups and downs and I was ready for the day to be done, so I put the kids to bed a bit earlier then normal. After all 3 were in bed, the Lord spoke and said "I have been waiting." To be honest, it has been awhile since I have really had a good, solid quiet time with my Heavenly Father. So I pulled out my bible, journal, pen and turned on my iPod to one of my new worship songs that I just downloaded yesterday called "Everything" by Jesus Culture. The first few lines of this song are...

"Find me here, Speak to me, I want to feel, I need to hear" and that is exactly where I was. I needed to feel Jesus, I needed to hear his voice and I needed to feel loved. I played those lines a couple of times over and then allowed the rest of the song to play. The song talks about who God is and how He is everything we need. The chorus sings "You're all I want; You're all I need; Everything." The second time through the chorus the Lord asked me "Am I everything to you?" I paused a moment and then asked the Lord to show me where He wasn't everything in my life.

His words followed that question; all I could do was write and cry.
"Trust me that I have not forgotten you! Trust me that I am walking right along with you. Trust me that you are not alone. Trust me that I am here! You have given up on me, you have given up on the promises that I have given you. Those promises have not changed, my plans have not changed. I have not forgotten you!"

We all have been given promises in our life, some have been fulfilled and others are still waiting to be fulfilled. Because of some issues I had given up on the promises that the Lord gave me. I started settling and being content with how things were in my life, even though I know the Lord has promised me more.

Tonight MY God told me to not give up on Him, to not settle, but to hold out for the promises that HE gave me. That even though things seem impossible or lost right now, they are NOT, because He has not forgotten them, because those promises for my life have NOT changed!

Psalms 37:5 - "Commit your way to the Lord; trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass." (American King James Version)

My Heavenly Father, I am sorry for losing sight of the promises you have for me, for giving up on you, for allowing difficulties to doubt what you have promised me. Lord, please give me the faith to trust you that what you have promised will come to pass. I commit my life into your hands. I trust you to lead me, to take care of me, to fulfill the promises you have for my life. 

Do you have unfulfilled promises that you have started doubting or that you have lost sight of? I pray for each one of you that the Lord would speak to each one of you and remind you of all the goodness He has for your life. You are His and He loves you!!! His love never fails and His promises DO NOT changed!

Don't Just Hear...

Last week I was reading the book of Philippians and I came upon this verse…

Phil 4:9 “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me put it into practice.”

Now Paul was writing this to the church of Phillippi, but this verse spoke directly to me. God was telling me I needed to do something that He told me to do, that I haven’t done yet.

Just a few weeks ago my pastor gave a sermon that really spoke to me, actually it spoke so much that I cried most of the way through it. I know God really used him to speak to me concerning a certain situation that I have been really struggling with for awhile. I really felt like the Lord gave me direction and the next step in my situation, but have I don it yet? Well to be honest…NO. It’s in the back of my head and every now and then I feel the Lord nudging me, but I still have yet to do what my Heavenly Father asked.

Why? Well I can come up with plenty of excuses, not enough time, maybe I heard wrong, but the truth is…It’s uncomfortable, it’s something I really don’t want to do and it makes me nervous about the outcome. Are those good reasons not to do what I know I need to do?

NOPE!

James 1:22-25 “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what is says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what is says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he look like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it – he will be blessed in what he does.”

It is not enough to hear God speak or read His word, I MUST do what He says! The only way my thoughts, attitudes and my actions will change is if I do what my Lord God says! I can’t worry about the outcome; I have to just worry about what I am supposed to do. I HAVE to let God take care of the outcome. I have to surrender my worries and my fears and just DO IT!

The Lord is asking each one of us to put His words into practice; to not just sit and listen to a nice sermon, to not just read the bible and to not let it change our lives. God is asking us to do something with what He has shown us. He wants our worlds to be changed by His words and the only way that will happen is if we do what He says!

There is some good news in all this…WE DON’T HAVE TO DO IT ALONE!!! God will be standing right next to us and will be giving us all the strength we need to do the task He has for us to complete. By my own strength I know that I cannot do what I need to, but with God’s strength I can do anything He asks of me.

Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Beautiful Things...

This past year for me has been full of heartache, confusion, hurts and losses. I would never wish to go through all I have again, but because of my year, my relationship with the Lord is stronger than it ever has been and for that I am so thankful. I know my Heavenly Father in a new and imitate way and I am so grateful that He has brought me out of some dark times. 


As I was sitting in church on Saturday night during worship we started singing Beautiful Things by Gungor and the first verse really hit me hard.


All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all


I still have pain and there are issues that I am still dealing with from this past year and I have just pretty much started to be complacent that this was "my new" life. This is now how things were going to be and I was becoming ok with it. It was easier to give up and just let things be than to open my heart up and possibly get hurt again or to deal with issues that were easier to sweep under the rug. Especially when I felt justified for how I am feeling and how I don't want to hurt anymore. 


Well the chorus of this songs says...


You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of dust 
You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of dust 

The Lord spoke to me and said you have a lot of dust in your life right now. A lot of hurts and offensives that I want to make beautiful, but YOU have to ALLOW ME to make them beautiful. You have to TURST ME so I can make that dust into something beautiful. 


I ended up going and taking communion that evening and asking God to forgive me for not allowing him to be the author of each of my situations. For taking each thing I have dealt with this last year and trying to make it be the best outcome that I could. It doesn't matter how hard I try my best outcome will NEVER compare to God's outcome for my dust. 


Luke 13:37 says For nothing is impossible with God. It doesn't matter whether I think "that" will never happen or my life can never be that good again, because with God ANYTHING is possible. He can fully restore things that have been broke and hurt. I just have to allow him to do it. Yes, it might hurt. Yes, I will probably have to do things I DON'T WANT to, but in the end if my dust is turned into something beautiful for God's glory it will all be worth it! 


I know I am not the only one that had dust in their lives that God wants to turn into something beautiful. Are you willing to let Him make beautiful things out of your dust? 

Grace...

I know it has been awhile, but I have been at a loss of how to write what Lord has been speaking and teaching me these last few weeks. Then there are also the questions that keep going through my head. Is this right? Am I really hearing from the Lord? Does this make since to anyone but me? With those questions and my doubts I have kept silent so I can really make sure I am obeying the Lord in my life and with my words.

As some of you know I am a stay-at-home mom of three kids under the age of 5. I do enjoy my kids and my life, but some day are just plain HARD! It doesn't matter what I try I seem to fail as a mom. Some days I feel my kids are out of control or I lose it with them and start yelling or I just turn the TV on to "babysit" them so I can get a break. My parenting is something that I take very personal. I know I am not the perfect parent and I probably make decisions that other would not, but as far as I know my kids did not come with an instruction manuel so I am doing the best I can.

My parenting is something that I daily ask the Lord for help with, for ideas, for strength and patience just to get through another day. Now, not all days are tough, I do have some very enjoyable times with my kids, but I know that I CANNOT parent without the Lord and His wisdom, grace and love.

I have read a few parenting book, gone through a couple of parenting classes and tried many different things with my kids, but it seems like not matter what I try it works once and then it never works again. I was starting to feel at a loss. Then I felt the Lord nudge me to look for one more book that may help. So I went to Focus on the Family's website and came across a book called Raising Your Spirited Child. I thought it looked interesting so I bought it. As I began reading this book I came across stories of other people children acting like my children. Reading page after page I kept saying to myself  "that sounds like_________ (inserting of of my kids' name). I love the way the author describes spirited kids is "they are normal kids, but more." Let me tell you I feel like my kids are A LOT MORE!

The more I read this book the more I realize my kids are ALL spirited kids (no wonder life is crazy), now most of the families in the book seem to only have one spirited child, but the Lord blessed me with 3! I felt like I had found so much freedom in this book. Within the first few chapters of this book the author says most other parenting books/styles will not work with spirited kids. Spirited kids feel and react differently then other kids. This made my day!!! I realized that it wasn't me, I wasn't doing something wrong and it helped me to see why those other books or classes didn't seem to work so well with my kids. This book has opened my eyes to new ideas and solutions to situations that I find myself in daily. It has also helped me identify signs and watch for cues that we are about to have a break down or a melt down.

Now this book isn't perfect and neither am I. I know even with the new tools and information I now have I will still not be the "World's Best Mom". I will still make mistakes, I will probably still yell when my buttons get pushed just right, I will probably still lose it every now and then, but that is where the Lord's grace come in. God knows my heart and He knows that I want to be a good parent to the 3 SPIRITED kids He gave me. He knows that I want to train them in godly ways and to help them discover who God has created them to be. THAT IS WHAT COUNTS! I know my Heavenly Father will continue to forgive me when I fail and give me grace where I lack patience, because my the desire of my heart is to be a great mom and to honor my God with my parenting.

No one is perfect and we all have areas that we struggle with even sinful ones, but if our desires is to live a life that is honoring and obedient to our God then He will continue to cover us with grace. To forgive us when we don't deserve it, to scatter our sins and remember them no more.

Quiet Times...

I remember going to a week of summer camp each year from the time I was in Elementary School to High School. I would go and get so fired up for the Lord. One year I was baptized in the Holy Spirit and another year I felt called to Missions. Each year was full of fun, friends and deep encounters with the Lord. Then I remember coming home and making a promise that I would stay close with the Lord, read my bible every day and just spend time in His presences. And every year that would last for maybe a week or so after camp. The just like clock work I would miss one day and then 2 days. Then it normally turned into a week, which turned into months of not fulfilling my promise. Somewhere during those months I might try again to have a daily quiet time, but yet again I failed.  Then I would start feeling guilty for not having my quiet times because everyone said how important they were and I had made a promise I would do them. Then it just became easier to not do them and so I didn't. Then camp would come around again the next year and the cycle would start ALL OVER.

Over and over again I would hear how important "quiet times" were and how you needed them to have a good christian life and over and over again I would try to have a daily quiet time, but they never lasted. Then over and over again I would get so frustrated with myself for not being able to keep a daily quiet time. Then over and over again the guilt would come. I felt like I was on a hamster wheel and there was no way off.

Well during this last year of heartache I felt like all I could hold onto was my quiet times with the Lord. I would just sit, read, cry, yell, talk, listen in the Lord's presences. It became a daily necessity for me. Then thing started to become a little more stable again. I was walking out of the valley that I had been in and my dependence on my quiet times was less and less. Then I started to miss a day then two and my times with the Lord went from daily to once or twice a week. Then I started feeling guilty and shameful for not making the time with the Lord a priority. He was there in my darkest hours and now that I was out of them I was neglecting Him. Somedays I had time, but I just chose not to sit down and be with my Maker and my heart was starting to hurt, I was acting in the flesh more and more and life is just getting really HARD.

This past Sunday morning, I was still in worship, feeling guilty for only doing a quiet time one day this past week when the Lord spoke to me. "I am not bringing this shame, guilt or condemnation upon you. I just want to spend time with you. My heart is full of love for you and I love our times together. I cherish you and spending time with you brings joy to my heart." 


Romans 8:1 - Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.


Those words from the Lord has really changed my thinking about quiet times. I almost use to look at them as something I HAD to do to be a good christian. I was living under the "law". It was like I felt like my christian walk was measured by how good my "quiet times" were. But that is NOT how God looks at it at all!!! He looks at quiet times as a way to spend time with us. He ENJOYS spending time with us and He enjoys listening to our prayers and receiving praises from our mouths. I know for me, I need to change my heart towards quiet times with the Lord, maybe I even need to stop calling them quiet times.

Before writing this I read Psalms 139, the whole chapter talks about how God knows us, He formed us and loves us. After reading that chapter of Psalms I so want to sit in the Lord's presence and be loved by Him. Sitting, reading, praying, and listening with the Lord is the best way I know to really understand who my Heavenly Father is. Spending time with the Lover of my Soul shouldn't be something I feel like I have to do and if I don't then I'm a horrible Christian; it should be something that I desire to do, that I long for and if I don't I feel like I missed out on something really special.

Psalms 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God; 

Since my God desires to spend time with me, I want the desires of my heart to WANT to spend time with Him so I may know Him. God has really challenged me to check my heart when I think about quiet times. I need to have the attitude I want to because it means spending time with the person that made me, loves me more than I can fathom and desires for me to know him. When I look at quiet times as something I get to do and not I have to, it makes so much more desirable and enjoyable. And there is nothing I would rather be doing than spending time with MY GOD!!!

Waiting...

I feel you standing there, just waiting for me
Waiting patiently for me to put this world aside
To take my focus off of me and put it on you
I feel your sweet quiet voice saying "now, now"
But I come up with one more thing to do
You wait with longing and love in your eyes
You have told me what you desire and what you long for
Still I keep my distance
My flesh takes over
What I do and say is not pleasing to you
I don't stop, I don't sit, I don't pray, I don't listen
I just keep going
You don't push, you don't guilt, you just wait.
Waiting for me to join you in your presences
Waiting for me to be still before you
Waiting to bless me with your great love
When will I ever learn

Pull Back or Press Forward...

During the past 10 months I have been broken, hurt, angry, scared, confused, frustrated, grief stricken, and worried. But I have also been healed, hopeful, excited, and at peace during those same 10 months. Even today as I write this, I am hurting, confused, not sure what's next and am praying everyday for guidance and peace. During the different trials of the past 10 months I have learned one important thing, that with each trail I HAVE had to make a choice. Gary Thomas says it best in his book Scared Marriage "We can give in to our hurt, resentment and bitterness or we can grow as a Christian and learn yet another important lesson on how to forgive."

I would normally classify myself as a runner (not in the literal since) but in the since of I DON'T like conflict. I don't like to hurt, to feel helpless, to just feel lost. I LIKE PEACE!!! When hard times or problems come my way I usually pull back, turn around and walk the other direction. But in the past year pulling back from my trials didn't really seem like an option. I mean I could of but I would have walked away from my God, hurt my family and friends and caused so much more pain in my life. So I did the only thing that made since at the time; I pressed forward, clinging on to God with every step. During each trial God walked every step of the way with me, He revealed His love and favor to me over and over, He grew my faith and changed the way I look at my life and the people in it.

Today, I am again met with the same choice. I have a choice to pull back, guard my heart and put up walls around myself or I can choose to press forward, forgive and open up my heart once again. Everything in my flesh wants to pull back, ignore and move on with my life, but everything in my aching heart wants to press forward, forgive and extent grace. Either way there is hurt that I will endure. I can press down all I am feeling and just move on, but those feelings will always be there, nothing will be resolved and bitterness will start to take root in my heart. Or I can choose to press forward and forgive, but even then it will not be an easy process because "Forgivness is achingly difficult...it is an unnatural act," Philip Yancey What's So Amazing About Grace?  I can either feel the hurt of pulling back or I can feel the hurt of pressing forward, but I do know that when I press forward and do what the Lord has asked of me, I will find peace once again.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times," Matthew 18:21-22

Pressing forward is not easy and most of the time it takes a daily decision to keep going and to not give up; but I know that I can because God will walk every step along with me!

Standards...

Has there ever been a time when you don't feel like you meet standards? Now these could be standards you have put before you or these could be standards of a friend.

Well I am in that place, actually I think I have been in that place for awhile now. I feel my house is never as clean as I would like it and there are always never ending piles of laundry and dishes. There always seems to be something that needs to be organized or taken care of. I just feel like my life is constantly playing "catch-up". Just when I feel like one task is completed, there is always something else around the corner. I can never feel like I can get ahead. But it doesn't stop at material things it also goes right into relationships and parenting. After being married for 9 years I still struggle with a couple of issues that came up when we first got married. As much as I work on them, they are still areas that don't come easy for me and I seem to kick myself every time one of those areas come up. I know there are things that I need to work on to be a better parent. I feel like I don't spend enough quality time with my kids, somedays they watch to much tv, I loose my patience with my kids and end up yelling at my kids too much and the list goes on and on.

Just even writing this I feel somewhat like a failure. I have expectations and standards that I have given myself or I have felt from others that I don't meet. I feel like I sometimes get so stuck, because all I can see are the things I'm not doing right that doing anything overwhelms me. It is easier for me to sit and dwell on all my mistakes, failures, not met standards/expectations, or things that need to be done then to work on something that I could succeed

Today, during my quiet time with the Lord, I started writing how I was feeling and how I just felt like I could never meet the standards I had in my life. The Lord showed me, during this time that I was too focused on my weakness and my failures to see my strengths and accomplishments. Then He reminded me of something my Pastor said a couple weeks ago "we need to focus on our strengths and develop those gifts that God has given us, instead of trying to improve our weakness. The Potter has made me a certain way, I can't change that, so I need to accept who He has made me to be." The Lord reminded me to focus on my strengths and the gifts He has given me. Where I am weak, He is strong and He will help me in my weaknesses. Instead of getting so upset over all that I do wrong, the Lord wants me to focus on the things I do right. I am not and will not be good at everything, but there are somethings I do well. Those are the things I need to work on and not get so hung up every time I fail at something.

I realized that the standards/expectations that I felt in my life were not from God. They were put there by myself or others (even without them realizing it). God spoke to me and said "You have allowed standards/expectations to be put in your life that are not mine. I give you grace for when you fail or stumble AND you need to give yourself grace for you fail or stumble. Allow yourself to breath and make mistakes, to not be the perfect wife, mother, friend and daughter. You are the one beating yourself up, not me!"


2 Corinthians 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness...For when I am weak, then I am strong." 


Zechariah 4:6 "Not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit says the Lord."


I am human, I make mistakes, I have weaknesses and some of them can be really ugly, but I also have some beautiful strengths that the Lord has blessed me with. I need to remember to focus on my strengths and NOT my weaknesses. I need to remember that God gives me grace and I need to give myself grace. I will never be the perfect wife, mother, cook or housekeeper but I don't have to be! The only standards that NEED to matter in my life are God's standards for my life. I think the most beautiful thing the Lord showed me today was His standards keep rising for me. The more I grow in Him and the more I realize who He is, the standards He has for me rise, but they never rise out of reach.

His Peace...

For the past 6 weeks I have felt like I have been riding a roller coaster with LOTS of drops and turns. When life finally seems to calm down and things seem to be getting back to "normal", I am faced with another 20 feet drop with a big twist at the end and it throws me off balance again.  After dealing with all the physical, spiritual and emotional stuff of the past 6 weeks, I am pretty spent. Life continues to go on, but I feel like I am just stuck in a place of the unknown. Unknown of what is to come, unknown of how to deal with my current situations, unknown of how to express where I am and what I am feeling. Because of all that has been going on I have let my mind go and it has been on a roller coaster ride of its own. I have thought of the best scenarios for each situation but I have also let my mind come up with the worst scenarios imaginable and my emotions have been along for the ride. I have let my mind get so far away from me that I feel so out of control.

On Monday during my quiet time with the Lord, I just started writing. I wrote down all my fears, my confusion, my anxiety, my hurt and anything else that has been on my mind the last few weeks. After a few pages of writing, the Lord spoke and gave me this verse "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be trouble and do not be afraid," John 14:27. Then I just started praying for the Lord's peace in my life and over every situation. He then lead me to 1 Peter 3:11 "...he must seek peace and pursue it." Which reminded me that I have to desire peace in my life, I have to strive for peace and allow God to give me the peace He so wants me to have. For the last two days I have been trying to seek peace and to allow God's peace to over come my thoughts, my worries, my anxiety, my confusion and my hurts, but it has not been easy. Just when I feel peace comes, my mind starts to wonder and I feel myself starting to get lost in all of it once again.

This morning the Lord reminded me of Ephesians 6:12 "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." The devil would love for me to live in a state of confusion, the unknown, the stress, anxiety, and hurt that I have been so wrapped up in. He would love to keep me there; however, the Lord has called me to fight against the evil one, but He has also equipped me to do so. God lead me to these verses to help me in my battle. "For through we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ," 2 Corinthians 10:3-5. My job in this fight is to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. God has not called me to live in my current state of mind, He wants me to live free of my anxiety, my hurt, my confusion, the unknown. He wants me to live in His peace that is why He left it for me. He didn't leave it as a nice gift or thought, He left it so I would take His peace and live in it. He does not want my heart to be troubled with the things of this world. In the end this world and all of its troubles will fade away, but God's peace will remain. I have to choose to take control of my mind and take it off the roller coaster, that is has been on. I have to follow the Lord's instructions in 1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."


I have a choice...
I can choose to live in fear, anxiety, hurt, confusion, worried about the unknown. I can allow my thoughts to rule my life to keep me from all the plans and healing God has for me. To letting my situations and the worries of this worry to keep me in a state of feeling lost and paralyzed.
OR
I can take captive every thought that I have and stop my mind from wondering to the unthinkable. To give God my fear, anxiety, hurt, confusion, worries about the unknown. Allowing Him to give me His peace and His healing. To focus on who God is the plans He has for me.

Just asking for God's peace is not enough you have to pursue it, you have to allow your mind to dwell on His peace and not the current situation. You have to take control of your mind and you have to seek His peace and when do you will find it!!!

He Never Left...

Our last two Mondays have been filled with experiences that I NEVER want to experience again! 


Two Mondays ago my husband arrived home at 4:30pm and we all settled down on the couch to watch a movie with the kids, since my younger two had not been feeling well most of the day. With in about 5 minutes into the movie I looked down at my 2 year old who was snuggling up with me and noticed her lips had turned purple. I sat up and quickly realized she wasn't breathing. I handed her to my husband who then laid her on the floor and he told me to call 911. I dialed with my handshaking and my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. As I told the operator what was going on, where we lived and my phone number I watched my husband trying to get my daughter to respond after she continue to not breath he gave her two breaths. After those breaths, my daughter threw up and started breathing again. Shortly after that the paramedics showed up and got right down to business. Taking her stats, asking questions and trying to figure out what just happened. Then they all agreed that she had a Febrile Seizure, meaning her body temperature spiked faster then her little body could handle. They reassured us this was a normal reaction for a 2 year old with a fast temperature spike. We all agreed that we would feel comfortable staying home and watching her. Well with in 10-15 minutes of them leaving our daughter had another seizure, this time she started convulsing and her eyes rolled back. My mother-in-law showed up and as soon as she walked through the door she began praying, while I dialed 911 again. My mom then showed up and was able to help calm our other 2 children as we waited for the paramedics to come back. They arrived in about 5 minutes and by that time she had stopped the convulsions, but looked to be unconscious. Again the paramedics asked questions, took her stats and asked what we would like to do. By this time I was pretty freaked out and really didn't know what to do and my husband was ready to take her to the hospital. The Paramedic that seemed to be in charged reassured us that again her temp spiked to fast and this was her body's reaction. She let us know what would happen if we took our daughter to the hospital, but she also felt that if we could get her some medicine to get the fever under control we would probably be ok to just stay home with her, but it was up to us. We decided on staying home and I slept on the couch with her that night, terrified it would happen again, but thankfully it didn't. 


The rest of our week was filled with all 3 kids getting fevers and the stomach flu. It was a long week of restless nights, TONS of laundry and a week with cartoons and movies. Finally Saturday morning came, the sun was out and everyone seemed healthy. So after a busy weekend the next Monday came and all I could think about was getting life back to normal. Well that was a short lived thought.


Last Monday morning started off to be pretty normal. After everyone woke up breakfast was served, everyone got dressed and brushed their teeth, laundry was started, so far so good. And then our family dog of almost 5 years (which we had him since he was a puppy) bit my son in the face. I didn't see the incident, but I heard it and by the time I had gotten to my son and he was bleeding and crying. I clean up the cuts, text my husband and the dog spent the rest of the day in his crate or outside. That was it, as good as a dog he was and there were times he wasn't so good, but it didn't really matter now I wanted that dog out of my house. After looking at all our options, we finally took the dog up to my inlaws until we could figure out exactly what to do with him. Well through my mother-in-law's friend we were able to find the dog a good home, with no kids.


Now what to do about my son's face. I did what I knew what to do or what I thought would be best, but it just seemed to be not getting any better. So I got in contact with one of my good friends who is also a nurse and asked her opinion. After getting a picture message of my sons face that I texted her she advised me to take him to the doctor. I was able to get an appointment that day and he was on antibiotics by late afternoon. His face is getting better, I just feel so bad that this happened to him. He loved that dog and just wanted to pet him. 


So I have officially decided that I DON'T like Mondays and am thinking of erasing them from my calendar. I think two Saturdays sound good to me :)


Yesterday I was praying and reading my bible and I began to think about all the events of the last 10 days. I have come to the conclusion that all the things that happened could be attacks from the devil. About 3 weeks ago I stepped out in faith and spoke to the women from our Women's Retreat and 2 weeks before that spoke to the high school youth group. I am now starting to really understand why we should continue praying even after we have taken our step of faith. We may feel our job is done, but that doesn't mean the devil won't "reward" us for trusting God and doing what He has asked of us. But even in the midst of what I feel like are attacks on my family I have seen God's hand upon us and I know that He never left. Through the last year my confidence has grown in the Lord and I know we may have to walk through horrible things in this lifetime, but I have confidence in my God that He will walk right next to me, He will protect me and my family and He will help me to overcome and turn to good what the devil has intended for evil. 


Proverbs 3:26 "for the Lord will be your confidence..." 


Joshua 1:5 "...I will never leave you nor forsake you."


Through these last 10 days I have seen God's hand on my family...

• My husband had been home maybe 10 minutes before my daughter's first seizure. He took control and was pretty calm during the whole time.
• We had paramedics that responded with in 2-5 minutes of each call. They were calm, gave us all the information we needed and even spoke to our other 2 kids to let them know that their sister was going to be ok.
• Both our moms were able to be at our house in 15 minutes and help us out with whatever we needed.
• Not all 3 kids were all sick at the same time and they were all well so we could attend my Grandpa's 80th birthday party.
• We were able to find a good new home for our dog with in 2 days on the incident.
• My wonderful friend gave me so much help and insight on what to do for my son. I have deemed her "My Personal On-Call Nurse"
• I was able to get an appointment with our doctor the same day I called and didn't have to spend extra time or money at the ER or Urgent Care.

We had many family and friends praying for us.Yes, these last 10 days have been NO fun, but as I look back I know that God was with us each step of the way. He made things a bit easier for us to walk through all the events we did. 


Psalm 23:4 "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for you are with me; Your rod and your staff they comfort me. 

Words...

This is a very raw post for me to write. God spoke very clearly and direct to me this morning when He was correcting me, yet again.

Over the past couple of days I have spoken a word here or there, really without even thinking about it, but as soon as I said it the Lord has had something to say about it. This morning I was texting my sister and when she had to go into a prayer meeting and my first response was "prayer is overrated" in a very sarcastic way. (Just to let you know prayer is a very important part of my life and I know that without prayer I could not do the things the Lord has asked of me to do.) But before I hit the send button the Lord spoke and said "that's enough."I know that I was joking and being sarcastic but the Lord didn't see it that way. Then He reminded me of all my other comments that I have made that have not been uplifting or honoring to Him or others.

The past two weeks have been really tough with my three kids. I know it is just a stage and I think the devil probably has a hand it it, because I'm stepping out in faith and speaking what the Lord has given me to speak. Just the other day I was speaking to a friend and was telling her about my week and used the word "hell" to describe my week and the Lord spoke and said "you don't have any idea what hell is really like."

Last week the Lord woke me up at 4am to give me some words to speak for the Women's Retreat I'm speaking at, and the next morning I put my facebook status as "Really God was 4am that necessary?"(As a sarcastic comment) Later that day my brother-in-law commented "yes it was". The Lord spoke and said "you get to talk to me whenever you want, so I get to talk to you whenever I want."

Now I didn't mean anything that I said, it was all sarcasm or just how I felt in the moment, but the Lord didn't see it that way. My words are suppose to be honoring, uplifting and a blessing to my Heavenly Father and others. In all of three of those instants they were none of the above. Even when I am joking around or in a bad mood my words need to be honoring to God.

Matthew 12:34b"For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." 
I want my words to reflect what is in my heart, even during hard times. I know my Lord has blessed in so many ways and He loves me with an unconditional love; He doesn't deserve me to speak unpleasant words even sarcastically.


Matthew 12:36 "But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgement for every careless word they have spoken."
When I stand before God I want to hear that my words uplifted people and people were blessed by what I said. I don't want to hear that I made others stumble or sin because of my words. I want to hear that I honored God with all that I did and said. I DO NOT want to hinder anyone or anything because of my words.

Proverbs 16:23-24 "A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction. Pleasant words are honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." 
Lord please help me to use pleasant words, so I may help bring healing and not hurt. Help me to guard my mouth and make sure the words that I use are uplifting and honoring to you and to the others around me. Please show me and take away anything that is not pure in my heart so I may speak from my heart and know that only goodness, kindness and blessings come from the words that I speak.

For Us...

This morning in my quiet time I read Luke 22 & 23, My Savior's death story. Even though I know this story and have heard this story over and over since I was a kid, I still get tears in my eyes when I actually take the time and really reflect exactly what happened all those years ago.

God's Son came to earth and lived a perfect, holy life. Isaiah describes Jesus' death this way "He was assigned a grave with the wicked, and with the rich in his death, though he had done NO violence, NOR was any deceit in His mouth" Is 53:9. Jesus never sinned although He was tempted in every way, but He was still put to death. And the death of His one and only son was God's plan all along. Is 53:10 "Yet it was the Lord's will to crush Him and cause Him to suffer, and though the Lord makes His life a guilt offering..." 

The moment God sent His son to earth, He knew the death that His son would have to endure for us and He still sent Him and He let Jesus take the sins of the world upon His shoulders. In the Garden of Gethsemane Jesus knew what was coming and He was in agony over what was about to happen. He even prayed to his father "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." Luke 22:42. Right there Jesus says, I don't want to do this, but I will submit to my Father and His plans. And that is exactly what He did. Jesus submitted to His Father's will so we would be saved by His blood.

I think two of the most beautiful events that happened during Christ's suffering were first when one of the disciples struck the servant of the high priest and cut off his ear and Jesus reached over and healed the servant's ear. This was a man that was about to arrest Jesus and take him to the high priest and Jesus decided to heal him (paraphrased from Luke 22:49-51). Jesus healed his enemy, He didn't have to and no one probably even expected Him to; everyone may have been even a little shocked when He did. The next most beautiful thing to me is when Jesus asked "Father forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing" Luke 23:34. Jesus just asked that His Father would forgive the sins of the people that were just about to kill him. In the face of death, Jesus loved those men and He wanted them to turn from their wicked ways so He would see them in Heaven. This is the real heart of My Savior Jesus Christ. In the midst of His hurt and His pain He is healing and praying for others.

In our eyes did they deserve God's mercy? UM NO! But God doesn't give us what we deserve. God has made a way so we may dwell in His house forever. So we may see loved ones that have gone before us. So we may meet King David, Noah, Ruth, Paul and so many others. Our God is so good and His heart for us is so pure.

On that cross Jesus bore the sins of the world. A man that had never sinned had the world's sin, all of the sins that had been committed and all the sins that will be committed, were on our Savior's shoulders.

Today as we reflect on that horrific day all those years ago let's remember the heart and soul of the Son of God that hung their and died so that you and I might live. His heart was for the lost, forsaken, sinful, broken...US!