During the past 10 months I have been broken, hurt, angry, scared, confused, frustrated, grief stricken, and worried. But I have also been healed, hopeful, excited, and at peace during those same 10 months. Even today as I write this, I am hurting, confused, not sure what's next and am praying everyday for guidance and peace. During the different trials of the past 10 months I have learned one important thing, that with each trail I HAVE had to make a choice. Gary Thomas says it best in his book Scared Marriage "We can give in to our hurt, resentment and bitterness or we can grow as a Christian and learn yet another important lesson on how to forgive."
I would normally classify myself as a runner (not in the literal since) but in the since of I DON'T like conflict. I don't like to hurt, to feel helpless, to just feel lost. I LIKE PEACE!!! When hard times or problems come my way I usually pull back, turn around and walk the other direction. But in the past year pulling back from my trials didn't really seem like an option. I mean I could of but I would have walked away from my God, hurt my family and friends and caused so much more pain in my life. So I did the only thing that made since at the time; I pressed forward, clinging on to God with every step. During each trial God walked every step of the way with me, He revealed His love and favor to me over and over, He grew my faith and changed the way I look at my life and the people in it.
Today, I am again met with the same choice. I have a choice to pull back, guard my heart and put up walls around myself or I can choose to press forward, forgive and open up my heart once again. Everything in my flesh wants to pull back, ignore and move on with my life, but everything in my aching heart wants to press forward, forgive and extent grace. Either way there is hurt that I will endure. I can press down all I am feeling and just move on, but those feelings will always be there, nothing will be resolved and bitterness will start to take root in my heart. Or I can choose to press forward and forgive, but even then it will not be an easy process because "Forgivness is achingly difficult...it is an unnatural act," Philip Yancey What's So Amazing About Grace? I can either feel the hurt of pulling back or I can feel the hurt of pressing forward, but I do know that when I press forward and do what the Lord has asked of me, I will find peace once again.
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times," Matthew 18:21-22
Pressing forward is not easy and most of the time it takes a daily decision to keep going and to not give up; but I know that I can because God will walk every step along with me!
No comments:
Post a Comment