Moving On...

I was at a place in my life where I was really, really broken. I don’t know that I have ever been there before, but I am sure that I do not want to be there again! I think the single hardest thing for me to do during this time was for me to TRUST God that He would not leave me, but that He would walk this through with me.

I was in church about 3 weeks after I had loss the baby and the Lord spoke so clearly to me, “Trust Me in this area and I will make you whole and bless you. I am with you, you don’t have to walk through this alone. Lean on me, let me carry you through this. I DID NOT DO THIS! THIS WAS NOT MY PLAN!!!”

During the 3 weeks prior to hearing this from the Lord, I had a really hard time blaming Him. I just couldn’t figure out why God would create this baby and then let it die. Do I think He killed my baby? NO! But I do know that He could have stopped it; but He didn’t. Trust me that will be a question that I will ask Him, but for now I don’t have an answer. I knew in my head that God wasn’t to blame, but my heart, well that was a different story. I am human and because of that I needed to put my blame somewhere. After that Sunday I realize that it is really hard to blame God and then trust Him to heal you all at the same time. It took a lot, but I had to let go of my blame and feeling like I needed an answer to why this happened, so that I could allow myself to trust God for my healing. Was it easy? NO! Everyday I would wake up and say “I am trusting You to heal me and make me whole again and You are going to carry me through this.” And let me tell you, He did! He walked every step of the way with me and is still walking with me on my days that are not so good. Where there was darkness, He has brought light; where I was weak, He made me strong. Am I completely ready to try and have another baby? No, but I know the Lord is working on me and I am closer to that point then I was a month ago. It takes time and I have learned to give myself time to heal, process and trust again.

Is there an area in your life that you have been hurt or let down? The Lord is asking you to trust Him, all you need to say is Yes! Say YES that you will trust Him to carry you through that area, to be there every step of the way. You may be saying “I trust God.” Trust me I said the same thin. And yes I did trust God, but then when I looked at this one area in my life, I realized that I blamed God, not trusted Him. God wants to heal you and make you whole again, but you have to start the process by saying “Yes, I trust you”.