Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. - James 1:17
Sometimes it takes losing someone or something to really see what is right in front of you.
I am in the middle of miscarrying my 2nd child in five months. I found out I was pregnant on December 17th and was thrilled with knowing that I was given another chance to have a baby. Well on February 3rd I had an ultrasound that resulted in the fact there was no heartbeat. I was devastated! I was having another miscarriage and I didn't know why. But through my questions, another broken heart and disbelief, the Lord met me once again. He has brought comfort and reassures that He is still in control. He has also given me strong Christians to walk through this with. They have cried with me, hugged me, listened to me and spoke truth to me. He is a faithful God even in the darkness!
One of the things that Lord has really shown me through this process is how blessed I am. I have a wonderful husband, who works hard, loves me and loves our kids. I have 3 beautiful children on earth with me and 2 sweet children that I can't wait to meet one day. I have great family support and love. I have a cherished community of friends that love the Lord and me. I have to say I am one blessed lady. My life may seem like the norm, but I don't want to live like it is the norm. I want to live thanking God for every treasure He has given to me.
The Lord has provided me with so much and I have so much to be thankful for. My pain and hurt had caused me to overlook what the Lord has blessed me with. My God is such a faithful God and it is so evident in my life. It is really hard for me to admit that I have taken so much of what the Lord has blessed me with for granted. It is also sad for me to say that it took losing another baby to really grasp what the Lord has blessed me with. The Lord opened my eyes and showed me all the people in my life that love me, that are here for me, that would do anything I asked, that have offered to help out anyway they can. I am so blessed to have so many beautiful people in my life. My heart overflows with thankfulness and love for these people. Yes, this path I must walk is not an easy one, but I would rather walk this path with the people that the Lord has placed in my life then by myself.
So today I want to start living in an awe of what the Lord has blessed me with; I want to take each day and thank the Living God for all the good and perfect gifts He has blessed me with. I have decided that today is the day that I will cherish every moment the Lord gives me here on earth. I will use my time to honor my Lord by learning how to be a better wife, mother, daughter and friend. My God is such a good God that He deserves all our praises and thanksgiving.
Will you join me today is being thankful for the blessings that the Lord has poured out upon you? Even if you are in the midst of a struggle or a trial, stop looking at all the evil and hurt around you and cast your eyes upon the perfect gifts the Lord has put in your life to walk this through with you.
February 12, 2011
January 31, 2011
Being Free to Be Real...
Last Saturday, I spoke at a workshop for a women's conference at my church. I have never really did any public speaking before. I am the behind the scenes person. I am great at organizing and telling others what to do, but I usually don't get up in front of people and share. About 2 months ago the Women's Pastor at my church asked if I would pray about doing a 45 minute workshop for the conference. The Lord spoke to be right away and said that I was to do this. So I took a leap of faith and shared my heart. I obeyed and the Lord showed up. It was by His power that I was able to do what was asked of me and because I did lives where touched.
I wanted to share with you what the Lord shared with the ladies on Saturday. May you be blessed and may the Lord speak through this to you.
I started off with My Story...
One September, Sunday morning I was sitting in church during worship, trying to convince myself that nothing was wrong and that the tears flowing down my face didn’t mean anything. But then my pastor led us in a song talking about our Creator and that’s when it hit me. I wasn’t ok, in fact I was a mess and the tears were for my broken heart.
I wanted to share with you what the Lord shared with the ladies on Saturday. May you be blessed and may the Lord speak through this to you.
I started off with My Story...
One September, Sunday morning I was sitting in church during worship, trying to convince myself that nothing was wrong and that the tears flowing down my face didn’t mean anything. But then my pastor led us in a song talking about our Creator and that’s when it hit me. I wasn’t ok, in fact I was a mess and the tears were for my broken heart.
This was not just any Sunday morning this was exactly one week after I had miscarried. I had already given birth to 3 beautiful children with no complications and when we found out that we were pregnant with our 4th child, we expected nothing less then a healthy pregnancy ending in a baby that we would hold and love. We told all our family and friends when I was about 8 weeks along, which we were expecting. Then about 10 weeks into my pregnancy I had an appointment with my midwife. During the appointment she did a basic ultrasound and found out that our baby was not looking well. After a visit to the ER a day later, we were given the news that our baby died about 2 weeks earlier. Within days I started the miscarriage process, which took about a week. During that week I was so caught up in the physical pain and the process my body was going through that I started coming up with excuses why I was “fine” with losing my baby; 1) I didn’t feel attached to this baby 2) I would go a whole day and not remember I was pregnant 3) Something about this pregnancy was just different 4) Better me then some of the other ladies I knew that were pregnant for the first time. Now those maybe all true, but any and all of those reasons didn’t make me “fine” for losing a baby. And it wasn’t until I was seating in church that Sunday morning that I realized that I wasn’t “fine!”
I couldn’t hold it together, the tears were streaming down my face and all I could think about was how my Creator could create this baby and then let this baby die? So I walked out in the middle of worship looking for a particular lady to talk with. As I walked out the sanctuary doors, this lady walked right in front of me. I called her name; she came over and hugged me as I wept. She took me into the office were I confessed to her that I was mad at God for taking my baby, I didn’t understand why this had happened and I really didn’t know how to deal with this. She talked a bit, let me cry and most importantly prayed for me. I felt better, but I still wasn’t “fine”. My healing process had started, but it wasn’t over, not even close.
The next day the Lord spoke to me and said I needed to go to our Healing Prayer Service at church on Thursday. I was very hesitant in going, I knew I needed to, but I kept coming up with reasons why I didn’t want to go or wasn’t able to. So Thursday night came and went and I had not listened. During the next week I kept my distance from the Lord, because I knew what He was going to say and I didn’t really want to hear it. Finally the next Thursday came and I knew without a doubt that the Lord was telling me, not asking me, but telling me to go to prayer. Now let me tell you that the Lord and I weren’t on very good speaking terms or at least I wasn’t doing much talking to Him in the last couple of weeks. I was so hurt, confused and angry that I didn’t really want to talk to God. I grew up in the church and I heard that you are not suppose to be angry at God. Well let me tell you for the first time in my life I was angry with God and I didn’t know how to handle it. So I thought it would be better if He didn’t know that I was angry, so I kept my distance from Him. Looking back was a huge mistake, but I didn’t learn that until I listened to God that Thursday night and went to the Prayer Service.
The Prayer Service starts out in the Sanctuary with worship, which I couldn’t make it though without shedding a few tears. Then they ask if you are here for Healing Prayer to stand and they stay a quick prayer over you and then send you to the Chapel. I sat down in a pew and was handed a piece of paper to write down my prayer request. As I was writing my dad came and sat down next to me, put his arm around me and just held me as I started crying once again. The Pastor in charge walked around and collected all the prayer requests. Once I handed him my request I sat and waited for my name to be called. My name was the first to be called, I stood up and the Pastor handed my paper back and pointed me toward a group of 3 ladies. I walked up, handed them my prayer request paper and just stood there, not sure what to expect or what to say. As the lead lady took my paper she read it and then just asked me if she could hug me. I nodded and started sobbing. All three ladies started praying in the spirit and the presence of the Lord came quickly.
As I was standing there in the presence of the Lord a word came that spoke right to my heart “God is grieving too. He DID NOT want this to happen. This was not His will. He did not do this!” Those words showed me the Lord’s heart for me and it started to melt away the anger I had, but I knew that I needed to express my anger so when there was a break in the prayers I asked God “why?” I turned my face upwards and I said, “God, I don’t understand! Why did you let my baby die? Was this something I deserved? Why did you create my baby and then let it die?” Through one of the ladies the Lord spoke again “I am not punishing you, this is not because of something you did or didn’t do. You are a wonderful mother.” Again I knew I was healing, but I also knew it still wasn’t over. For the next two days I had to really focus on those words that had came on Thursday night. Every time I started to feel that anger dwell up in me I would remember the words and focus on the Lord’s heart for me.
The following Sunday I am in the middle of worship with a few tears running down my face, but something was different inside of me. This Sunday I could stand up and sing the words of the songs being sung and mean them with all my heart. There the Lord met me again and spoke these words softly to me “Trust me in this area and I will make you whole and bless you. I am with you; you don’t have to walk through this alone. Lean on me, let me carry through this. I did not do this! This is not my plan!” As I stood their listening to the Lord, the worship leader started singing “I say Yes, I say Yes, to you. I say Yes, I say Yes to you.” Right then and there I opened up my heart to the Lord so that He could completely heal me and so I could trust Him again in this area of my life. There are still days that I get scared about being pregnant or I wonder why I lost my baby, but then I stop and say Yes to God, Yes that I will trust Him in this area and that I will not live in fear.
This is what the Lord has shown me through my healing process...
1) Being Real with Myself – In the midst of my miscarriage I started coming up with lies to why I was “fine.” I also didn’t allow myself to really process what was going on with my body. I kept myself so busy with every day life, my 3 kids, cleaning, laundry...you name it I probably did it. It wasn’t until I was still and had nothing to “go and do” that I realized that I wasn’t “fine”. I had to accept what had happened and I had to accept that I wasn’t ok. The Lord can’t move, speak or heal when you are not real with yourself that something is wrong.
2) Being Real with God – After you become honest with yourself, you need to become honest with God. God knew that I wasn’t “fine”, He knew I was hurting and it was ok for me to tell Him. And when I finally did open up and become real with my Father I didn’t get an answer or a reason, but the Lord did comfort me and He spoke these words to me “Trust Me!” We may not get the answer or reason we are looking for, but the Lord will speak to you and He will heal you if you open up and allow Him in. God knows your heart.
King David is speaking to his son, Solomon, who was going to be the next king and King David says in 1 Chronicles 28:9 - “And you, my son Solomon, acknowledge the God of your father, and serve him with wholehearted devotion and with a willing mind, for the LORD searches every heart and understands every desire and every thought. If you seek him, he will be found by you; but if you forsake him, he will reject you forever
Nothing you say will be a surprise to him. He knows you’re angry, He knows your hurting, He knows you are lost, He knows your afraid....HE KNOWS WHERE YOU ARE, but you NEED to say it to Him. You need to become naked before the Lord, letting down all guards and be honest with Him. Tell Him you are angry, tell Him what hurts, tell Him you can’t find your way, tell Him what you are afraid, but most of all speak to Him! We won’t be mad, He wants you to be real with Him so that He can move in that area, I really believe when you are real before the Lord He will show you His heart for you and that He is a true loving, caring God and He wants to heal you and set you free from the anger, confusion, and mistrust and hurt.
3) Being Real with Others – Galatians 6:2
says “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” After you have become real with yourself and real with God you need to share your burdens, hurts, and fears with someone that will allow you to be real. You need to have others praying for you and encouraging you. We are not designed to walk through life alone, so don’t. Allow someone else to walk beside you and help you carry your burden. You have to pick carefully the people you are real with. I knew that I would be safe to share with the lady from church and with the ladies in the prayer meeting. I knew they would allow me to express what I was feeling and they wouldn’t just come up with nice things to say to make me feel better. But I knew that each one of those ladies would listen, give me freedom to speak what I felt, and then they would pray with me and speak truth to me.
4) Why Do Bad Things Happen? – I don’t know and I don’t understand when they do. But I know that Jesus did tell us we would have troubles. “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” - John 16:33. I can also tell you that we live in a fallen world and there is a devil and his job is to steal, kill and destroy. This was not God’s design for us. Our Father in heaven didn’t design us to have a sinful nature, but due to the fall in the Garden of Eden, this is now life. We live in a very sinful world and bad things happen to everyone, even those that follow the Lord Jesus Christ. When bad things happen to us, we as believers have a choice, we can choose to live in anger, turn away from God and blame Him for our pain or we can file our questions in “to be answer later file” and trust God that He is in control. The Lord’s heart for you during hard times is He grieves with you, the works of the enemy saddens Him, He may have allowed it to happen, but He did not do it. You are not going through this because you deserve to, it is just all part of us living in a fallen world.
5) Why do I know I can Trust God? – I know that I can trust God, because I can look back over my life and I see God’s hand and He has never let me down. I have trusted Him with my marriage, with my kids, financially and in some many other areas and in each area He has always been faithful. I bet if you look back over your life you have your own reasons on why God is trustworthy.
Psalms 103:8-17 & 145:13-20 describes the Lord and even when bad things happen we must hold onto the truths and promises of the Lord.
Psalms 103:8-17 - The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children
Psalms 145:13-20 - Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The LORD is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does. The LORD upholds all who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time. You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing. The LORD is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does. The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The LORD watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy.
Conclusion
There is a verse that people like to often quote after something bad has happened.
Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.
During the process of my miscarriage I was not in a place where I wanted to trust the Lord because I did not understand why this was happening. But faith isn’t about us always understanding and seeing, but it’s about us believing even when things don’t make since. I don’t understand why I lost my baby and I will probably not know until I see my God face to face, but I do know that I NEEDED to trust in the Lord with all my heart, so I won’t live in fear or in the land of why. That is a dangerous place to be, because if you are there you can’t keep going, you can’t be healed and the Lord can’t do His work in your life. The only way I knew to keep going and not get stuck was to trust God. Was it easy? No, but I did it and because I trusted Him, the Lord showed His faithfulness to me time and time again. Through this process the Lord has also shown me His heart for me in a new way. My Father in heaven LOVES me with an everlasting love. He wants me to have the desires of my heart. He grieves with me with I face hard times, He rejoices with me when there is a celebration. He watches over me and protects me. With as many people as there is in the world God still knows how many hairs are on my head and He loves me like I am the only one in the world. That is one amazing God! His Love is real and He really does want the best for you and me.
There is a worship song that talks about being undone in the Lord’s presences and to me it is talking about letting God see you, really you. Be real before God, the good, the bad and the ugly. Are you “undone” in His presences? Or are you afraid that if you became “undone” others would see that you don’t have it all together and that God would be upset with you because of something He sees in your heart. Well let me tell you that even though you are not being honest with God, He already knows. To be real with God or others you have to be real with yourself. It starts with you.
The Lord is a God that is good, holy, righteous, beautiful, glorious, compassionate, rich in love, mighty, powerful, trustworthy, and faithful. And if you are at a point right now that it is really hard for you to trust God in a certain area or sing to Him because the words of the songs are to hard to say or you are just stuck and can’t seem to move forward with your walk with God, then I want you to just be real with Him and tell Him where you are. Tell Him you are not ok, trust me, He won’t be surprised. Then I want you to take a step of faith and trust God with this issue. Open up your heart to Him so He can show you His heart for you during this season in your life. The Lord is with you and He wants to speak to you, He wants to have an intimate relationship with you. So allow your self to be undone in His presence.
January 13, 2011
My Foundation....
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
all other ground is sinking sand.
For the last week or so God has been really speaking to me about my foundation in Him. What do I believe and why do I believe what I do?
I believe that God created this earth by speaking it into existence. God is Jesus' Father and He sent Jesus to earth to be my Savior. Jesus became human lived on this earth and then died on a cross so that I may be saved by grace and not have to work my way to heaven. I believe that the Holy Spirit lives in me and helps me daily to live the life that God intends me to live. Now do I believe these things, just because I have been taught these things all my life and they sound nice or do I believe these things because my foundation of faith says these things are true?
Throughout the bible God promises us many things and if we build our foundation on those truths then we will not be shaken when our world starts to not make since.
Dt 31:6 - God promises to never leave us
Matt 6:33 & Phil 4:19 - God promises to supply what we need
Eph 2:8 & Romans 5:2 - God promises that we will have grace through faith
Mark 16:16 - God promises that whoever believes will be saved
John 10:27-28 God promises that if we follow Him we will have eternal life and never parish
So why do I believe what I believe?
When I look back over my life I see God's hand protecting and directing my life, even in the bad times. I have built my foundation on the promises of God because I have faith that Jesus is who He says He is and in that God has shown Himself true over and over. He has never lied, let me down or abandoned me. Yes, I have gone through hard times, but even in those times the Lord has always carried me through. He has not once forgotten me even when I was walking through the valley of the shadow of death.
My foundation in my God is built on my relationship with my Lord Jesus Christ. He is my Savior, My Father, the Lover of my Soul, My Creator and so much more. He loves me, He stand with me, He carries me, He guides me and He grieves with me. My God is not just somewhere out there, but He is real, alive and lives this life with me. He has shown Himself faithful to me time and time again. This is why I have a strong foundation in my God!
Now, I know first hand when you are going through something that is painful, confusing, and it seems like God isn't around it is harder to trust God and believe His promises, but that is the time to hold even tighter to those promises. Because I can guarantee that God is there, watching over you, loving on you and holding you close. Once you are through this trial look back and I bet you will see God with you every step of the way.
A great example for this is Abraham. God had promised Abraham that He would make a nation out of Him, but how was this possible when His wife was barren? Romans 5:20-21 says "Yet he (Abraham) did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised." Even though we can't see what is to come and how God is going to keep His promise to us, we must believe and stand firm on the foundation we have built in our Lord. God will never let go of us and He will always be there, all you have to do is have faith that God has the power to keep His promises.
all other ground is sinking sand.
For the last week or so God has been really speaking to me about my foundation in Him. What do I believe and why do I believe what I do?
I believe that God created this earth by speaking it into existence. God is Jesus' Father and He sent Jesus to earth to be my Savior. Jesus became human lived on this earth and then died on a cross so that I may be saved by grace and not have to work my way to heaven. I believe that the Holy Spirit lives in me and helps me daily to live the life that God intends me to live. Now do I believe these things, just because I have been taught these things all my life and they sound nice or do I believe these things because my foundation of faith says these things are true?
Throughout the bible God promises us many things and if we build our foundation on those truths then we will not be shaken when our world starts to not make since.
Dt 31:6 - God promises to never leave us
Matt 6:33 & Phil 4:19 - God promises to supply what we need
Eph 2:8 & Romans 5:2 - God promises that we will have grace through faith
Mark 16:16 - God promises that whoever believes will be saved
John 10:27-28 God promises that if we follow Him we will have eternal life and never parish
So why do I believe what I believe?
When I look back over my life I see God's hand protecting and directing my life, even in the bad times. I have built my foundation on the promises of God because I have faith that Jesus is who He says He is and in that God has shown Himself true over and over. He has never lied, let me down or abandoned me. Yes, I have gone through hard times, but even in those times the Lord has always carried me through. He has not once forgotten me even when I was walking through the valley of the shadow of death.
My foundation in my God is built on my relationship with my Lord Jesus Christ. He is my Savior, My Father, the Lover of my Soul, My Creator and so much more. He loves me, He stand with me, He carries me, He guides me and He grieves with me. My God is not just somewhere out there, but He is real, alive and lives this life with me. He has shown Himself faithful to me time and time again. This is why I have a strong foundation in my God!
Now, I know first hand when you are going through something that is painful, confusing, and it seems like God isn't around it is harder to trust God and believe His promises, but that is the time to hold even tighter to those promises. Because I can guarantee that God is there, watching over you, loving on you and holding you close. Once you are through this trial look back and I bet you will see God with you every step of the way.
A great example for this is Abraham. God had promised Abraham that He would make a nation out of Him, but how was this possible when His wife was barren? Romans 5:20-21 says "Yet he (Abraham) did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what He had promised." Even though we can't see what is to come and how God is going to keep His promise to us, we must believe and stand firm on the foundation we have built in our Lord. God will never let go of us and He will always be there, all you have to do is have faith that God has the power to keep His promises.
January 2, 2011
God is Up to Something...
So I know it has been awhile since my last post, but I'm a little loss on how to describe what the Lord is doing in my life right now. As of right now I'm still not sure what the plan is or where He is taking me, but what I do know is that I am going to take His hand and follow where He leads.
For at least two months now I have had a real stirring in my heart that God is up to something, but I don't know what it is or what it looks like. I am just trying to listen and do what He is asking me to do. Which was one of the reasons I started this blog. After I miscarried I went through a time in my life that I questioned God's heart and why He allowed my baby die. During that time in my life, the Lord really spoke to me and gave me peace. Looking back on my situation I saw the Lord carry me through that dark valley and I believe that I saw my Heavenly Father with new eyes. The Lord took a horrible time in my life and revealed Himself like I have never seen Him before. And I knew that the Lord was asking me to write out all that He said and is saying to me so that I would never forget and maybe it would be an encouragement to others. So I started this blog with the thought that a close friend or two and maybe my family would read it, but there has been so many more. Which makes me a bit nervous every time I put up a post, because each post is real and raw. Each post is me and I'm not hiding anything which has always been a bit hard for me to do. Since I am being so real I can only hope and pray that the Lord is using me to speak to you.
There was one person in particular that read my blog, she is a wonderful and dear friend and she is also the Women's Pastor at my church. About 6 weeks ago she emailed me and said that there was going to be Women's Conference at our church the end of January and she asked me if would I pray about doing a 45 minute workshop for the conference? As soon as I read that my heart started beating fast and my head started spinning. In that moment I prayed and asked God if this was from Him, with in minutes of praying and reading the verse for the conference the Lord gave me the title for my workshop. Now let me tell you a bit about me...I am the behind the scenes person and when I get in front of people I get really nervous and talk fast, but I really believe the Lord was saying this is something that I needed to do. So for about a month now I have been thinking about what I'm going to say and how I'm going to say it. Well about two weeks ago I felt like I got the "meat" of what the Lord wanted to say though me, but every time I went to write it out, I just got stuck and I felt like it was my words and not the Lord's. So I took a step back and said "Ok, God what are you saying?" I just got a sense that I was suppose to write out my miscarriage story and let me tell you that this wasn't the first time that I had that sense. So I did, I took one evening and wrote out what I went through and how the Lord met me. During that evening the Lord reminded of His heart for me and I knew that I needed to share the Lord's heart for these women that I was going to speak to.
In the past two weeks the Lord has continued to show me His heart for His people, whether it be in a sermon, something someone said or just a quiet word to my spirit. I have taken all of those words and written them down so that I may share them. I am excited for the word the Lord is preparing, but I am nervous to be sharing. I know that this is another step to the calling the Lord has for me, so for me to fulfill that call I need to take this step. What will come next? I don't know, but what I do know is that I am following as the Lord leads and when He puts that next step in front of me I will take it.
For at least two months now I have had a real stirring in my heart that God is up to something, but I don't know what it is or what it looks like. I am just trying to listen and do what He is asking me to do. Which was one of the reasons I started this blog. After I miscarried I went through a time in my life that I questioned God's heart and why He allowed my baby die. During that time in my life, the Lord really spoke to me and gave me peace. Looking back on my situation I saw the Lord carry me through that dark valley and I believe that I saw my Heavenly Father with new eyes. The Lord took a horrible time in my life and revealed Himself like I have never seen Him before. And I knew that the Lord was asking me to write out all that He said and is saying to me so that I would never forget and maybe it would be an encouragement to others. So I started this blog with the thought that a close friend or two and maybe my family would read it, but there has been so many more. Which makes me a bit nervous every time I put up a post, because each post is real and raw. Each post is me and I'm not hiding anything which has always been a bit hard for me to do. Since I am being so real I can only hope and pray that the Lord is using me to speak to you.
There was one person in particular that read my blog, she is a wonderful and dear friend and she is also the Women's Pastor at my church. About 6 weeks ago she emailed me and said that there was going to be Women's Conference at our church the end of January and she asked me if would I pray about doing a 45 minute workshop for the conference? As soon as I read that my heart started beating fast and my head started spinning. In that moment I prayed and asked God if this was from Him, with in minutes of praying and reading the verse for the conference the Lord gave me the title for my workshop. Now let me tell you a bit about me...I am the behind the scenes person and when I get in front of people I get really nervous and talk fast, but I really believe the Lord was saying this is something that I needed to do. So for about a month now I have been thinking about what I'm going to say and how I'm going to say it. Well about two weeks ago I felt like I got the "meat" of what the Lord wanted to say though me, but every time I went to write it out, I just got stuck and I felt like it was my words and not the Lord's. So I took a step back and said "Ok, God what are you saying?" I just got a sense that I was suppose to write out my miscarriage story and let me tell you that this wasn't the first time that I had that sense. So I did, I took one evening and wrote out what I went through and how the Lord met me. During that evening the Lord reminded of His heart for me and I knew that I needed to share the Lord's heart for these women that I was going to speak to.
In the past two weeks the Lord has continued to show me His heart for His people, whether it be in a sermon, something someone said or just a quiet word to my spirit. I have taken all of those words and written them down so that I may share them. I am excited for the word the Lord is preparing, but I am nervous to be sharing. I know that this is another step to the calling the Lord has for me, so for me to fulfill that call I need to take this step. What will come next? I don't know, but what I do know is that I am following as the Lord leads and when He puts that next step in front of me I will take it.
December 14, 2010
Excited for Christmas...
Shopping...check. Christmas tree...check. Decorations...check. Food...check. Jesus...oh yeah, that's what Christmas is about.
We were doing some remodeling in our house and it required us to move out for about a month and let me tell you that was a really long month! Well anyways, we have been back in our house almost a month now and there are still things I'm trying to get back to "normal". We just hung up our pictures on the walls about a week ago and around that same time the kids were asking when are we going to set up the Christmas tree? I'm embarrassed to tell you that I had no desire to set up a Christmas tree and get out the decorations. I was still getting use to being back in our own house. Then in the mist of my selfishness the Lord spoke to me, "What about ME?"
That question really hit me hard! Christmas is not about presents, food or me and how I'm feeling, it is about how the Lord sacrificed His One and Only Son for us and how Jesus fulfilled what the His Father had asked of Him. I may of not been in the mood to put up a Christmas tree or listen to Christmas music, but it isn't about me, it is about Him and the Lord made that very clear. I don't know how many times I find myself saying "Oh I'm really not in the mood to go to church", or "I just don't feel like spending time with God today" and time and time again it hits me that it is not about ME! Do you think Jesus really wanted to die on the cross that day? Or do you think that God really wanted to be separated from His only son or watch His son be beaten? But both of them chose to carry out God's plan because they loved me and you more then we will ever know. On that day I took my eyes off of me and put them on Him and started preparing for the day we will celebrate our Savior's birth.
God desires us, but He wants us to make the choice to desire Him. We have the freedom to choose Him or not and we have control over our moods and attitudes. He doesn't want the attitude "if I have to" He wants us to have a joyful, willingness attitude to follow Him. I know He wants me to be excited for Christmas and He wants me to be thankful to Him for sending His son to earth so I could have everlasting life, but He can't make me have that attitude. I am the one that has to purposefully set my mind on Him and make the effort to put Him above everything else this Christmas season.
I know things can be really busy this time of year, but when you really stop and look at the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ, how can you not get excited? I mean His birth was a complete miracle. Jesus was born to a virgin! The King of Kings was born in a stable with animals! Our Savior's first visitors were shepherds that didn't even know Mary or Joseph! A beautiful new star was placed over the stable! Wisemen got on camels and followed that star to bring Jesus gifts!
Today, I am making a choice to be excited for Christmas, a time to celebrate the coming of Christ. I am also choosing to put Him above all else this Christmas, because He is the reason we celebrate! Will join me in this?
We were doing some remodeling in our house and it required us to move out for about a month and let me tell you that was a really long month! Well anyways, we have been back in our house almost a month now and there are still things I'm trying to get back to "normal". We just hung up our pictures on the walls about a week ago and around that same time the kids were asking when are we going to set up the Christmas tree? I'm embarrassed to tell you that I had no desire to set up a Christmas tree and get out the decorations. I was still getting use to being back in our own house. Then in the mist of my selfishness the Lord spoke to me, "What about ME?"
That question really hit me hard! Christmas is not about presents, food or me and how I'm feeling, it is about how the Lord sacrificed His One and Only Son for us and how Jesus fulfilled what the His Father had asked of Him. I may of not been in the mood to put up a Christmas tree or listen to Christmas music, but it isn't about me, it is about Him and the Lord made that very clear. I don't know how many times I find myself saying "Oh I'm really not in the mood to go to church", or "I just don't feel like spending time with God today" and time and time again it hits me that it is not about ME! Do you think Jesus really wanted to die on the cross that day? Or do you think that God really wanted to be separated from His only son or watch His son be beaten? But both of them chose to carry out God's plan because they loved me and you more then we will ever know. On that day I took my eyes off of me and put them on Him and started preparing for the day we will celebrate our Savior's birth.
God desires us, but He wants us to make the choice to desire Him. We have the freedom to choose Him or not and we have control over our moods and attitudes. He doesn't want the attitude "if I have to" He wants us to have a joyful, willingness attitude to follow Him. I know He wants me to be excited for Christmas and He wants me to be thankful to Him for sending His son to earth so I could have everlasting life, but He can't make me have that attitude. I am the one that has to purposefully set my mind on Him and make the effort to put Him above everything else this Christmas season.
I know things can be really busy this time of year, but when you really stop and look at the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ, how can you not get excited? I mean His birth was a complete miracle. Jesus was born to a virgin! The King of Kings was born in a stable with animals! Our Savior's first visitors were shepherds that didn't even know Mary or Joseph! A beautiful new star was placed over the stable! Wisemen got on camels and followed that star to bring Jesus gifts!
Today, I am making a choice to be excited for Christmas, a time to celebrate the coming of Christ. I am also choosing to put Him above all else this Christmas, because He is the reason we celebrate! Will join me in this?
November 29, 2010
Who's First...
I have been reading the book of Jeremiah lately and the first few chapters of Jeremiah really talk about how jealous God is. God had made a covenant with the Israelites when He brought them out of Egypt and after living in the Promise Land for awhile the Israelites had stopped living by the convent. The second half of Jeremiah 11:4 says "I said Obey me and do everything I command you and you will be my people and I will be your God." Well one of God's commandments to His people was "You shall have no other gods before me" Deuteronomy 5:7. The Israelites had broke this commandment, "You have as many gods as you have towns, O Judah; and the alters you have set up to burn incense to that shameful god Baal are as many the streets of Jerusalem" Jeremiah 11:13.
In my life God has been teaching me that "gods" doesn't mean golden statues, but it means anything I put above or before Him. I have really started to take a look at my life and my daily routine and I have noticed that, even though I don't purposely mean to, I am putting things before God. One morning during my quiet time, God spoke to me and said "I am really jealous of your time, I want to spend time with you and you keep putting me last." I may not have a golden idol that I worship, but I do have other things in my life that are coming before God and spending time with Him. I love spending time with God, I come out refreshed, lighter, and I know that God loves me and is with me always. But then why don't I do it more? Yes, I have excuses...I have 3 kids under 5, I have a house to clean, laundry to wash, football games to watch and so on. But, are those really good enough excuses to not spend time with my Creator, my God, my Father, the Lover of my Soul? I really don't think so. He should come first daily! I need to put my Creator first, so I can be the wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend He intended me to be. My kids need me to put my God first, so I can be an example to them and they can see how important it is to spend time with God. My husband needs to me put my Father first so I can do my best to keep our household in order, the way God wants me to. If I don't put the Lover of my Soul first then I become very worldly and my flesh takes control.
Jeremiah 17:5 says "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord." My flesh can only do so much, when I live in my flesh after a day or two everything seems to fall apart, but with God as my strength I can do all things. I need to stop using excuses to sit and be in the presence of the One who created me. I need to make Him a priority daily, not just on Sundays, but every day of the week. And when I spend time with my God, He wants it to be purposeful, He doesn't want my leftovers or because it is obligation. He wants my first, my best and He really wants me to want it. He desires to spend time with me and He wants me to desire to spend time with Him.
Today I purposefully met with God. I told my kids it was book time and mommy was going to read her bible. The kids went to their rooms and read books, while I prayed and read my bible in the living room. About 1/2 way through my reading, my 3 year old son comes out and says "Mommy, I want to read my bible next to you." He came and sat on the couch and looked through his bible quietly. It was so sweet and it really made me realize that I need to let me kids seem me have quiet times with the Lord.
The Lord your God desires to have you sit before Him, so He may teach you, love on you and hold you. He is a gentle God, but He is also a jealous one.
In my life God has been teaching me that "gods" doesn't mean golden statues, but it means anything I put above or before Him. I have really started to take a look at my life and my daily routine and I have noticed that, even though I don't purposely mean to, I am putting things before God. One morning during my quiet time, God spoke to me and said "I am really jealous of your time, I want to spend time with you and you keep putting me last." I may not have a golden idol that I worship, but I do have other things in my life that are coming before God and spending time with Him. I love spending time with God, I come out refreshed, lighter, and I know that God loves me and is with me always. But then why don't I do it more? Yes, I have excuses...I have 3 kids under 5, I have a house to clean, laundry to wash, football games to watch and so on. But, are those really good enough excuses to not spend time with my Creator, my God, my Father, the Lover of my Soul? I really don't think so. He should come first daily! I need to put my Creator first, so I can be the wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend He intended me to be. My kids need me to put my God first, so I can be an example to them and they can see how important it is to spend time with God. My husband needs to me put my Father first so I can do my best to keep our household in order, the way God wants me to. If I don't put the Lover of my Soul first then I become very worldly and my flesh takes control.
Jeremiah 17:5 says "Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord." My flesh can only do so much, when I live in my flesh after a day or two everything seems to fall apart, but with God as my strength I can do all things. I need to stop using excuses to sit and be in the presence of the One who created me. I need to make Him a priority daily, not just on Sundays, but every day of the week. And when I spend time with my God, He wants it to be purposeful, He doesn't want my leftovers or because it is obligation. He wants my first, my best and He really wants me to want it. He desires to spend time with me and He wants me to desire to spend time with Him.
Today I purposefully met with God. I told my kids it was book time and mommy was going to read her bible. The kids went to their rooms and read books, while I prayed and read my bible in the living room. About 1/2 way through my reading, my 3 year old son comes out and says "Mommy, I want to read my bible next to you." He came and sat on the couch and looked through his bible quietly. It was so sweet and it really made me realize that I need to let me kids seem me have quiet times with the Lord.
The Lord your God desires to have you sit before Him, so He may teach you, love on you and hold you. He is a gentle God, but He is also a jealous one.
November 17, 2010
Choosing...
Overall I would say I am a people person. I enjoying being around people, I like talking with others and being involved in group activities. But I am realizing there is a difference between a people person and a person having true close friends. I enjoy making small talk with all kinds of people; finding out what is going on in their lives and sharing what surface stuff is going on in my life. It is hard for me to admit, but the more I look at my life, the more I realized that I am a people person, not a person with real true close friends.
I was at a Young Mom’s Brunch this morning that was hosted by the Women’s Ministry at my church and the Lord spoke loud and clear to me that I have chosen to be a people person and not a person with many true close friends. The Lord told me He wants to remove my hurt and pain caused by my “failed” friendship so I can have room for new true close friendship.
Friendship has always been hard for me. I have had many “failed” friendships in my 28 years. Looking back at my past friendship I could usually “keep” a close friend for 1-3 years and then something happened; family moves, change in schools, fight over a boy, failing out over something big at the time. Through these “failed” friendships I have learned that it was safer for me to hide my heart from girls and not get to close. I remember about 3 years into my friendship with my best friend I started withdrawing from her and making up stupid reasons that we couldn’t be friends anymore, so when “something” happened I wouldn’t get hurt again. Well I can reassure you that nothing ever happened, she didn’t let me withdrawal from our friendship. We have been wonderful friends for the past 8 years and I can’t imagine my life without her! But I have to admit that she is about the only friend in my life that REALLY knows the true me and like I said before that is my fault. When I start to feel people get to close or when they start to see my mistakes, failures and the “REAL” me, I usually pull back and put up walls. I start to make excuses why I can’t do things with them or I nitpick everything they do. Which ends up with me sabotaging the friendship. I am the one keeping people at arms length, I am the one making up excuses on why we can’t be friends, and I am the one hurting them and myself. WHY??? Because it is easier to stay in my little world, it is easier not to be “real” with people, and there is a better chance I won’t get hurt. Well all of those reasons might be true, but what am I losing out on? Real true friendships, playdates, help with life is tough and a great excuse to go get coffee every once in a while. I have let my past rob me of real meaningful friendship, because I was too worried about getting hurt again. Well today I want to change that! I am choosing not to allow the things of my past to dictate my future. I want to have many real, truthful, close friendships. I want to be honest with the “real stuff” and have deeper conversations than surface level; will everyone be my close friend? No, but I want to be open to those who want to be. I want to stop holding people at arms length because it is more convenient. Will I get hurt again? I don’t know, maybe, but then I will ask the Lord for healing and move on. I am choosing today to open my heart!
Is there something in your past that is dictating how you live your life? I know the Lord wants to heal you and set you free of that thing that is holding you back from living the life God wants you to live!
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