God is Up to Something...

So I know it has been awhile since my last post, but I'm a little loss on how to describe what the Lord is doing in my life right now. As of right now I'm still not sure what the plan is or where He is taking me, but what I do know is that I am going to take His hand and follow where He leads.

For at least two months now I have had a real stirring in my heart that God is up to something, but I don't know what it is or what it looks like. I am just trying to listen and do what He is asking me to do. Which was one of the reasons I started this blog. After I miscarried I went through a time in my life that I questioned God's heart and why He allowed my baby die. During that time in my life, the Lord really spoke to me and gave me peace. Looking back on my situation I saw the Lord carry me through that dark valley and I believe that I saw my Heavenly Father with new eyes. The Lord took a horrible time in my life and revealed Himself like I have never seen Him before. And I knew that the Lord was asking me to write out all that He said and is saying to me so that I would never forget and maybe it would be an encouragement to others. So I started this blog with the thought that a close friend or two and maybe my family would read it, but there has been so many more. Which makes me a bit nervous every time I put up a post, because each post is real and raw. Each post is me and I'm not hiding anything which has always been a bit hard for me to do. Since I am being so real I can only hope and pray that the Lord is using me to speak to you.

There was one person in particular that read my blog, she is a wonderful and dear friend and she is also the Women's Pastor at my church. About  6 weeks ago she emailed me and said that there was going to be Women's Conference at our church the end of January and she asked me if would I pray about doing a 45 minute workshop for the conference? As soon as I read that my heart started beating fast and my head started spinning. In that moment I prayed and asked God if this was from Him, with in minutes of praying and reading the verse for the conference the Lord gave me the title for my workshop. Now let me tell you a bit about me...I am the behind the scenes person and when I get in front of people I get really nervous and talk fast, but I really believe the Lord was saying this is something that I needed to do. So for about a month now I have been thinking about what I'm going to say and how I'm going to say it. Well about two weeks ago I felt like I got the "meat" of what the Lord wanted to say though me, but every time I went to write it out, I just got stuck and I felt like it was my words and not the Lord's. So I took a step back and said "Ok, God what are you saying?" I just got a sense that I was suppose to write out my miscarriage story and let me tell you that this wasn't the first time that I had that sense. So I did, I took one evening and wrote out what I went through and how the Lord met me. During that evening the Lord reminded of His heart for me and I knew that I needed to share the Lord's heart for these women that I was going to speak to.

In the past two weeks the Lord has continued to show me His heart for His people, whether it be in a sermon, something someone said or just a quiet word to my spirit. I have taken all of those words and written them down so that I may share them. I am excited for the word the Lord is preparing, but I am nervous to be sharing. I know that this is another step to the calling the Lord has for me, so for me to fulfill that call I need to take this step. What will come next? I don't know, but what I do know is that I am following as the Lord leads and when He puts that next step in front of me I will take it.