More Grace, Less Judgement...

Last week I had a huge To-Do List in order to get my house ready for my 4 year-old's birthday party. Of course every thing on the list probably took 2-3 times longer than it should of because I haven't deep cleaned my house in about 7 months. Each day I would put on my earphones and listen to music as I got one task done after another. Something I relearned about myself is that I REALLY like music and it motivates me to keep on task. Well while my playlist was on shuffle one song came on that I haven't heard in awhile and I stopped what I was doing and just listened to the lyrics. During that song I really felt the Lord speaking to me and I knew another post was in my near future. I was hoping to get it done before Mother's Day but as you can see by the date that didn't happen. But better late than never, right!?!

The song that stopped my in my tracks was One Heartbeat At A Time by Steven Curtis Chapman

You're up all night with a screaming baby
You run all day at the speed of life
And every day you feel a little bit less
Like the beautiful woman you are

So you fall into bed when you run out of hours
And you wonder if anything worth doing got done
Oh, maybe you just don't know
Or maybe you've forgotten

You, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time

With every "I know you can do it"
Every tear that you kiss away
So many little things that seem to go unnoticed
They're just like the drops of rain over time
They become a river

And you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time
Making history with every touch and every smile
Oh, you, you may not see it now
But I believe that time will tell
How you, you are changing the world
One little heartbeat at a time

You're beautiful
You're beautiful
How you're changing the world
You're changing the world

I felt like these verses were written about my life and my take on motherhood especially these past few months. Up all night, running all day, little things seem to go unnoticed, wondering if anything worth doing got done. But then listening to the chorus it reminds me why I chose to be a mother and why I wouldn't trade this job for anything in the world.

Motherhood is a lot of work especially since God has created every little child so different. I have four children and each child is very much their own person and they all require something different from me. They also learn differently and take discipline differently as well. Just recently have I become more aware of what make my child unique and how I can help them became the man and women God has created them to be. Every day I feel like I learn something new about at least one of my children.

I know that I don't have it all together and I am NOT the perfect mom AND I have made mistakes with my kids, but I also feel that parenting doesn't fit into a box or a book because each child is created differently. What works for one child, might not work for another. Parenting is not easy, it is a lot of INTENTIONAL work.

Since each of our children are different that makes us moms different too. What works for one mom may not work for another. The Lord has really been speaking to me about judging less and giving more grace when I see other moms parenting differently than me. When I see a mom with her kids in a store, at church or at a park for the most part I am only seeing a little window into their world. I don't know the whole story so where is it my place to judge and tell them they a wrong. I know that I parent or react differently if I haven't had enough food or enough sleep or a bit of time to myself. I am human which means I have good days and bad days. Some days I feel like I have great "mom days" and then there are other days that I feel are "failing mom days". But on the days that are a struggle of me I am so thankful for God's grace and forgiveness. Also for the grace and forgiveness of my kids. Yes, I have gone to my kids and have asked for their forgiveness when I have had a bad day or have not reacted the way I should of to something.

Just yesterday I was at Target with all 4 of my kids; I was trying to look and price something out and my kids were getting restless. I had told them 3-4 times to stop touching things, well I was starting to get frustrated with them because they seem to have the urge to touch everything they saw. I knew my frustration was starting to show as I tried to stay calm and finish up my list as quick as possible. Well when we turned the corner to go down another aisle a mom stopped me (who had one younger boy with her) and said she was very impressive with me and how my kids were behaving. That just made my day. I know that I have gone in stores and gotten the "I can't believe she can't control her kids" stares but today was different I had received encouragement instead of judgment. That just changed my whole mood around. I felt blessed! The Lord again reminded me...More Grace, Less Judgement.

So to all those Moms out there who are doing their best, be encouraged that you are changing the world one heartbeat at a time. Even though life is hard right now, YOU are doing an amazing job!!!  And always remember you are the BEST MOM for your kids.

Honest...

It has been a year since my last post so here is a bit of an update on my life...

On November 11, 2012 my Heavenly Father blessed me and my husband with a beautiful, healthy baby girl. She is now 5 1/2 months and such a blessing to our family. She has the biggest smile and every time I see that smile I think to myself she is "the one we waited for". I can't imagine my life or my family with out her.

In late August my Oldest Daughter (who I was homeschooling) started 1st grade at a Christian School near our house. This school has been such a blessing and the Lord has been so faithful to provide for her tuition.

My Son is in his last year at an amazing preschool and am very excited that my middle daughter will be attending there next year. If you asked me a year ago if my life would look like this I would have said no, but everyday I see God's hand and blessing on my family and for now this is my life.

Now enough with the family update and on to the actual reason I am writing again. This past year has been filled with a lot of change for me. I went from staying home on a regular bases to getting up every morning taking my daughter to school and picking up her every afternoon, taking my son to preschool three afternoons a week, driving my daughter to her dance class one day a week, church two days a week and having a 4th child. At first when people asked me how I was I would say "Great, tired, but good." Then life continued on and I felt like I was always on the go and when I wasn't I just wanted to sleep or veg in front of the TV. My desire to grab my bible and spend time with God was not there, which in turned kept me away from writing. But those weren't the only things that started slipping in my life, the desire to do anything productive showed up only once every two weeks or so, my desire to cook and clean was totally gone. So thankful my family is ok with pancakes for dinner.  I was starting to feel worn out. I felt like I was on a merry-go-round and I couldn't get off. Every day I would measure as a successful day if everyone got where they needed to be on time, everyone was fed and in their own beds when it was bed time.

All of this is a feeling that I had never felt before. The feelings of being overwhelmed and unproductive with a HUGE list of things that need to be done hanging over my head that keeps growing each day.  I have never had baskets of clean clothes just hanging out in my living room waiting to be folded like I do now. Anything that has taken any real work to do I have tried avoiding, because I just don't seem to have the energy to deal with it.

So now after you have read me whine, complain and tell you all about my crazy life I am sure you are waiting for me to tell you how I fixed it all, how I figured it all out and now how my life is a piece of cake...
Well if you are you will be greatly disappointed. I have not found that special ingredient or magic equation that makes my life easier. On a side note, coffee is a wonderful thing, but not the answer! Then why am I writing this because God told me to. For the past month or so the Lord has told me to start writing again, even if I don't have all the answers. Because when I write it makes me be honest with myself. It makes me be honest with all you. It makes me be honest with Him. It makes me break down and ask for help. It makes me say I am not perfect and no matter how hard I try to be and how hard I try to say I am "good", the reality is that I am worn and tired.

The Lord has told me that I don't have to have it all together, my life can be messy and I can be really tired and it's OK...He just wants me to be HONEST with Him. He already knows, but there is something that happens when you actually break down and honestly tell Him how you are.

One of my favorite song right now is Worn By Tenth Avenue North. Here is one verse from that song...
I know I need to lift my eyes up, but I'm to weak.
Life just won't let up
I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Right now I cry out and say Lord I have nothing left. I am tried and worn. I need you to give me rest. I need you to be in the center of my life. I need strength that only comes from you. Most of all I NEED you! I need you to be everything I can't be right now.

Being Restored...

Well it is mid May and this is my first post for 2012...not sure what to think of that. It's not like the Lord has not been speaking or moving, it's just I have not had a real impression on my heart to write about them until today. So I hope I am not to rusty after taking 5 1/2 months off :)

I looked back at my last post which was on promises and how God's promises have not changed for me and His plans for my life have remained the same even through hard trials. After reading it, I was just WOWED by how that is so true. Even though we feel like we have been forgotten or lost in the mix of "the more important" promises, it is not true. My God has NEVER forgotten me and He will never forget you. Today I write you with two promises that are in the midst of being fulfilled! Much of which was lost in the last 2 years of my life is being restored to me.

1) A little over a week ago God took a friendship that for almost a year has been shattered, broken and many may have looked at it as unfixable, but the Lord is so much bigger then anything the devil divides. What was lost is now being found again. What was shattered is being made into something new. The process has been very challenging for me, because I am a person that would rather let things go, but I knew that was not what the Lord was calling me to. This is a work in progress, but for the first time in months I have hope for this friendship and am so glad that Lord wouldn't let me, let go. 

2) This next one is something that I am very excited to share with each one of you...I am expecting a BABY around Thanksgiving. Nine weeks ago I found out I was pregnant and I was scared to death. Two months prior to this I was told that I had a blood disorder that could cause miscarriages and/or possible pregnancy complications. I was advised to see a OB/GYN that deals with high risk pregnancies before getting pregnant. Well due to sickness and conflict of schedules I had not been able to get in to see this doctor and then I find out I expecting (which was a bit of a shock) threw me into panic mode. But because this was God's plan and not mine he had everything worked out in advance. I was able to find a good doctor who was able to see me right away, we were able to come up with a plan to help me get through the first 12 weeks and I have been able to have two ultrasounds that have showed a very healthy baby with a strong heartbeat.

Now in now way is this baby replacing the two I lost, but this is God fulfilling His promise that I felt like He gave me after my first miscarriage. My two other babies will always hold a special place in my heart and I can't wait till I get to hold them and hug them in heaven, but this baby, to me, is God showing His goodness and favor. I am so blessed that my God is full of love and compassion and that He NEVER forgets us, not ever!!!

During this pregnancy I would ask for your prayers for a healthy, strong baby to arrive without any complications. I have had so much peace over this pregnancy and little fear, but I know the devil would like nothing better to change all of that, so your prayers would mean so much to me.

If you have been praying for areas in your life to be restored I would say KEEP praying, don't give up! Our God has NOT forgotten you and He loves you so very much!!!

Promises...

Today has been a tough day, just a lot of ups and downs and I was ready for the day to be done, so I put the kids to bed a bit earlier then normal. After all 3 were in bed, the Lord spoke and said "I have been waiting." To be honest, it has been awhile since I have really had a good, solid quiet time with my Heavenly Father. So I pulled out my bible, journal, pen and turned on my iPod to one of my new worship songs that I just downloaded yesterday called "Everything" by Jesus Culture. The first few lines of this song are...

"Find me here, Speak to me, I want to feel, I need to hear" and that is exactly where I was. I needed to feel Jesus, I needed to hear his voice and I needed to feel loved. I played those lines a couple of times over and then allowed the rest of the song to play. The song talks about who God is and how He is everything we need. The chorus sings "You're all I want; You're all I need; Everything." The second time through the chorus the Lord asked me "Am I everything to you?" I paused a moment and then asked the Lord to show me where He wasn't everything in my life.

His words followed that question; all I could do was write and cry.
"Trust me that I have not forgotten you! Trust me that I am walking right along with you. Trust me that you are not alone. Trust me that I am here! You have given up on me, you have given up on the promises that I have given you. Those promises have not changed, my plans have not changed. I have not forgotten you!"

We all have been given promises in our life, some have been fulfilled and others are still waiting to be fulfilled. Because of some issues I had given up on the promises that the Lord gave me. I started settling and being content with how things were in my life, even though I know the Lord has promised me more.

Tonight MY God told me to not give up on Him, to not settle, but to hold out for the promises that HE gave me. That even though things seem impossible or lost right now, they are NOT, because He has not forgotten them, because those promises for my life have NOT changed!

Psalms 37:5 - "Commit your way to the Lord; trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass." (American King James Version)

My Heavenly Father, I am sorry for losing sight of the promises you have for me, for giving up on you, for allowing difficulties to doubt what you have promised me. Lord, please give me the faith to trust you that what you have promised will come to pass. I commit my life into your hands. I trust you to lead me, to take care of me, to fulfill the promises you have for my life. 

Do you have unfulfilled promises that you have started doubting or that you have lost sight of? I pray for each one of you that the Lord would speak to each one of you and remind you of all the goodness He has for your life. You are His and He loves you!!! His love never fails and His promises DO NOT changed!

Don't Just Hear...

Last week I was reading the book of Philippians and I came upon this verse…

Phil 4:9 “Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me put it into practice.”

Now Paul was writing this to the church of Phillippi, but this verse spoke directly to me. God was telling me I needed to do something that He told me to do, that I haven’t done yet.

Just a few weeks ago my pastor gave a sermon that really spoke to me, actually it spoke so much that I cried most of the way through it. I know God really used him to speak to me concerning a certain situation that I have been really struggling with for awhile. I really felt like the Lord gave me direction and the next step in my situation, but have I don it yet? Well to be honest…NO. It’s in the back of my head and every now and then I feel the Lord nudging me, but I still have yet to do what my Heavenly Father asked.

Why? Well I can come up with plenty of excuses, not enough time, maybe I heard wrong, but the truth is…It’s uncomfortable, it’s something I really don’t want to do and it makes me nervous about the outcome. Are those good reasons not to do what I know I need to do?

NOPE!

James 1:22-25 “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what is says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what is says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he look like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it – he will be blessed in what he does.”

It is not enough to hear God speak or read His word, I MUST do what He says! The only way my thoughts, attitudes and my actions will change is if I do what my Lord God says! I can’t worry about the outcome; I have to just worry about what I am supposed to do. I HAVE to let God take care of the outcome. I have to surrender my worries and my fears and just DO IT!

The Lord is asking each one of us to put His words into practice; to not just sit and listen to a nice sermon, to not just read the bible and to not let it change our lives. God is asking us to do something with what He has shown us. He wants our worlds to be changed by His words and the only way that will happen is if we do what He says!

There is some good news in all this…WE DON’T HAVE TO DO IT ALONE!!! God will be standing right next to us and will be giving us all the strength we need to do the task He has for us to complete. By my own strength I know that I cannot do what I need to, but with God’s strength I can do anything He asks of me.

Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Beautiful Things...

This past year for me has been full of heartache, confusion, hurts and losses. I would never wish to go through all I have again, but because of my year, my relationship with the Lord is stronger than it ever has been and for that I am so thankful. I know my Heavenly Father in a new and imitate way and I am so grateful that He has brought me out of some dark times. 


As I was sitting in church on Saturday night during worship we started singing Beautiful Things by Gungor and the first verse really hit me hard.


All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way
I wonder if my life could really change at all


I still have pain and there are issues that I am still dealing with from this past year and I have just pretty much started to be complacent that this was "my new" life. This is now how things were going to be and I was becoming ok with it. It was easier to give up and just let things be than to open my heart up and possibly get hurt again or to deal with issues that were easier to sweep under the rug. Especially when I felt justified for how I am feeling and how I don't want to hurt anymore. 


Well the chorus of this songs says...


You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of dust 
You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of dust 

The Lord spoke to me and said you have a lot of dust in your life right now. A lot of hurts and offensives that I want to make beautiful, but YOU have to ALLOW ME to make them beautiful. You have to TURST ME so I can make that dust into something beautiful. 


I ended up going and taking communion that evening and asking God to forgive me for not allowing him to be the author of each of my situations. For taking each thing I have dealt with this last year and trying to make it be the best outcome that I could. It doesn't matter how hard I try my best outcome will NEVER compare to God's outcome for my dust. 


Luke 13:37 says For nothing is impossible with God. It doesn't matter whether I think "that" will never happen or my life can never be that good again, because with God ANYTHING is possible. He can fully restore things that have been broke and hurt. I just have to allow him to do it. Yes, it might hurt. Yes, I will probably have to do things I DON'T WANT to, but in the end if my dust is turned into something beautiful for God's glory it will all be worth it! 


I know I am not the only one that had dust in their lives that God wants to turn into something beautiful. Are you willing to let Him make beautiful things out of your dust? 

Grace...

I know it has been awhile, but I have been at a loss of how to write what Lord has been speaking and teaching me these last few weeks. Then there are also the questions that keep going through my head. Is this right? Am I really hearing from the Lord? Does this make since to anyone but me? With those questions and my doubts I have kept silent so I can really make sure I am obeying the Lord in my life and with my words.

As some of you know I am a stay-at-home mom of three kids under the age of 5. I do enjoy my kids and my life, but some day are just plain HARD! It doesn't matter what I try I seem to fail as a mom. Some days I feel my kids are out of control or I lose it with them and start yelling or I just turn the TV on to "babysit" them so I can get a break. My parenting is something that I take very personal. I know I am not the perfect parent and I probably make decisions that other would not, but as far as I know my kids did not come with an instruction manuel so I am doing the best I can.

My parenting is something that I daily ask the Lord for help with, for ideas, for strength and patience just to get through another day. Now, not all days are tough, I do have some very enjoyable times with my kids, but I know that I CANNOT parent without the Lord and His wisdom, grace and love.

I have read a few parenting book, gone through a couple of parenting classes and tried many different things with my kids, but it seems like not matter what I try it works once and then it never works again. I was starting to feel at a loss. Then I felt the Lord nudge me to look for one more book that may help. So I went to Focus on the Family's website and came across a book called Raising Your Spirited Child. I thought it looked interesting so I bought it. As I began reading this book I came across stories of other people children acting like my children. Reading page after page I kept saying to myself  "that sounds like_________ (inserting of of my kids' name). I love the way the author describes spirited kids is "they are normal kids, but more." Let me tell you I feel like my kids are A LOT MORE!

The more I read this book the more I realize my kids are ALL spirited kids (no wonder life is crazy), now most of the families in the book seem to only have one spirited child, but the Lord blessed me with 3! I felt like I had found so much freedom in this book. Within the first few chapters of this book the author says most other parenting books/styles will not work with spirited kids. Spirited kids feel and react differently then other kids. This made my day!!! I realized that it wasn't me, I wasn't doing something wrong and it helped me to see why those other books or classes didn't seem to work so well with my kids. This book has opened my eyes to new ideas and solutions to situations that I find myself in daily. It has also helped me identify signs and watch for cues that we are about to have a break down or a melt down.

Now this book isn't perfect and neither am I. I know even with the new tools and information I now have I will still not be the "World's Best Mom". I will still make mistakes, I will probably still yell when my buttons get pushed just right, I will probably still lose it every now and then, but that is where the Lord's grace come in. God knows my heart and He knows that I want to be a good parent to the 3 SPIRITED kids He gave me. He knows that I want to train them in godly ways and to help them discover who God has created them to be. THAT IS WHAT COUNTS! I know my Heavenly Father will continue to forgive me when I fail and give me grace where I lack patience, because my the desire of my heart is to be a great mom and to honor my God with my parenting.

No one is perfect and we all have areas that we struggle with even sinful ones, but if our desires is to live a life that is honoring and obedient to our God then He will continue to cover us with grace. To forgive us when we don't deserve it, to scatter our sins and remember them no more.